Be No More, For Which, I May Love Again
by NikCul
Summary: Bella used to be a smart girl. Did her work, tried hard and got almost perfect on everything she did. That all changed after one tragic event leading up to where she is today. Can Edward change that or will Bella suffer for what seems to be forever?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

After school and after receiving what seems to be another F, my mom called me and told me she had something important to talk to me about and it would change life as we know it for me. Like that could happen.

Don't get me wrong. I....love my mom and...dad but they just don't seem to get my life. Why I suddenly bailed on school, ran away for a week and came back receiving horrible grades but that's the way things are supposed to be. From now until forever.

Whatever she has planned cannot be good unless it's a razor blade with sharp ends, she better be killing me herself.

What is the point of living anymore? It's like everything I work up to can get torn down in a matter of years, just like that. It all starts with one simple word the year before.

Cancer.

It seems irrational to be so afraid of that word but it has done nothing except caused pain and failure.

I wasn't aloud to drive a car anymore even though I was seventeen only because I tried to get into a car crash when they agreed to let me drive on my own.

Parents.

I took the bus home instead and when I walked in my mom was all giddy and my dad smiled his crinkly smile at me and I tried to smile back.

Renee, my mom, pulled me to the couch and Charlie, my dad, sat next to her on the coffee table.

"How was school?" She asked with a hopeful smile.

"I received one F and got hit in the head with a basket ball. My lip began to bleed." I explained in a monotone, one tone voice.

"An F in what?"

"English."

"Honey, what happened? Yesterday you got an F in both math and biology. Sweetheart, don't you want to talk about." Charlie pressed.

"No." I urged.

"Well, you don't have to but we have a surprise this evening that will sure cheer you up." She smiled, getting up and skipping to the kitchen to make dinner.

Renee was a mom to me, but sometimes she seems like she is a kindergartner herself, rather than a teacher for them.

Charlie grumbled something to himself and got up groggily and joined my mom in the kitchen.

I was about to stalk upstairs when I could here their faint talk in their kitchen. About me.

"Why are we going to do with her?" My mom sobbed.

"I'm not sure."

"It's been a whole four months. This is the only solution I can think of. Do you think it's good?"

"We can only hope." Charlie sighed. "We can only hope."

I fought back the urge to cry like always and slowly ran upstairs to my room.

I had gotten good and blocking out emotions since about four months ago. Now I never cried, never smiled, got angry or joyful. I didn't even know what the word emotion meant. I was a monotone mute human being.

At seven thirty, my mom called me down for dinner and my head felt dizzy, trying to fight against the fish she had sitting on the kitchen table. I hated fish and they both knew that yet continued to make it. If you asked me why, I couldn't answer.

I stumbled down the stairs and stalked into the kitchen when I saw there was a tall, bronze haired boy, green eyed senior standing in the middle of the kitchen, talking to my mom in a light conversational tone. A tone I had forgotten how to use.

"Bella," my mom smiled. "Won't you come sit and meet someone?"

I didn't nod my head, but just sat down at my seat, the chair against the wall.

Charlie sat down on the left of me, my mother on the right. And the green eyed senior sat across from me, smiling friendly. All I could do was look down and the horrific smelling fish and swallowed loudly. I refuse to eat that.

"Who is he?" I asked, finally looking at the familiar stranger across from me.

"This is Edward. He goes to your school and is a straight A student majoring in science, English and Math. All your core subjects that you seem to fail miserably at."

"Thanks for the support Mom." I turn slowly to look at her. Not glaring, not grimacing, just simply staring straight.

"Yes, well, we called your school and Ms. Cope here, your lovely secretary recommended Edward to help you, catch up. Help you with your work and things like that." She smiled.

My eyes should have widened. "Like a...t-t-tutor?" I asked carefully.

"Well, yes, kinda." My dad smiled nervously.

"No." I said, my monotone voice flat. "NO!" I then yelled rushing me up to my bedroom in one, swift movement.

I lied on my bed, resiting the urge to cry and it worked. My voice hurt from screamed so loudly like there was a sudden itch in my throat but I finally calmed myself, lied on my back and stared up at the ceiling.

In the darkness my room offered, blinds closes, lights off. I could see the one small star I had stuck on top of my bed when...she bought me this box filled with glow in the dark stars that were meant to be stuck onto walls and ceilings. I had originally put them all up but when the renovators came in to paint my walls black, I had to take them all down but forgot that very one star right on top of my bed.

Every night I used to make a wish on it and to this day I still do.

Does that mean there is still hope left for me?

Some people could only desire.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

There was a light knock on my bedroom door. I didn't bother getting up, or answering to the sound pretending it wasn't there.

Their knock got harder and louder and I finally found the drained energy in me to get up and answer it to the green eyed...tutor staring at me.

"Please," he began, "just let me show you what I can do. How much I could help you."

"Could." I picked out that would. "What you could do, but I won't let you. I don't need you." I stated.

"Please, I want to help."

"No." I stated monotonically.

"Do it for Charlie and Renee and your friends."

"I have no friends." I said simply.

"You have your parents though." He bargained. "What have you got to loose?"

"Everything."

"What is everything?"

"Everything I've been working towards the past four months."

"And what's that? Failing at life? Wow, that takes total skill."

"You don't understand."

"Well then let me." He demanded.

"Edward," I said his name for the first time out loud. It sounded different than it did in my head, the vowels and consonants flowing from the back on my mouth to the tip of my tongue and and out my once braced teeth. I was going to say no. Tell him that I didn't need his help and that I wanted to be alone and fend for myself like I've been doing but the thrill and rush his name that came to my mouth, kind of like a new emotion I never once felt and thought I would never feel changed my mind. "You have once chance."

It was weird how I just said those four words like I was smiling behind them but now showing that in my face and it felt...good but I resisted that urge to let it get to my head like it once had.

He smiled and slipped a bag off his back. "What first?" He asked, looking up from his kneeling position on the ground, huddled over his backpack.

"Math."

"Why math?" He said, taking it out of the bag and picking the back up from the ground, standing up with it.

"It's black and white. It always has the same outcome no matter what. You can't change math. I like simple and easy. Things in no need of a further explanation."

"I actually thought you were going to pick English."

"And why is that?"

"Well, Renee said that used to be your favourite and best subject and you would sometimes write little poems and stories and then you just stopped."

"I'm not denying it."

"Well, what happened?"

"This is why I like math, it has no need for a further explanation while the English Language does."

"Alrighty then, no more 'englishy' questions." He smirked.

"Smiling will only give you wrinkles around your mouth when you're older, if you live that long."

"Way to be optimistic." He said sarcastically, stepping into my room.

"I'm not a pessimist. I plan for the worse. That's how life should be."

I flickered on the light and truly looked at him for the first time.

He was tall, dashing even and those emerald green eyes held secrets too just like my chocolate brown ones. He was pale, not one wrinkle even where they should be, like marks when his brow would furrow. It seems to me like he never thinks desirably but somehow does at the same time. His lips were like a pale and light scarlet, not chapped like mine but thin and thick at the same time. His jaw was edged and smooth, a faint shadow of stubble from the early morning and his neck was suggestive and reasoning even though others may not see that. All in all, he shouldn't be here helping me but I wasn't about to let him leave. I felt the urge to need and want him and I hated it because I was feeling something which hasn't happened for a while.

Annoyance doesn't count.

"Bella, if you don't want me to ask questions that aren't black and white like, don't give me an explanation to do so." He chuckled.

He said my name. An outsider said my name. I haven't heard my name been said by anyone other than my parents in the last four months. I was used to them saying it so I never realized it but I did when he said my name.

"Deal." I said, looking up at his eyes.

He walked over to my desk and cleared off the loose papers and pens and threw them on my bed. I didn't object. A messy room just means I'll have to pass time by cleaning it up.

I unfolded a chair that was at the back of my closet and pulled it out for him next to my black desk chair and sat down.

He put his things on the desk and I pulled out my all around binder that contained all four subjects I had and opened it up to math.

"Take that front sheet out, would you? It's what you'll be doing everyday in this unit." He told me.

I opened the rings up to my binder and took out the sheet and when I went to close it back together, the rings closed on the skin on my pointer finger.

I wanted to yell and say ow or something considering it hurt and stung so much but I pretended not to feel it, just stare at the tiny blood it created on the finger.

He looked at me wide eyes. "Jeez Bella! Doesn't that hurt?"

I shrugged then shook my head no and he grimaced. "Where's the washroom?"

I pointed to the room right of my bed and he ran in and then came out with a small washcloth and cold water on it and pressed my finger up against the cold.

It felt good and oozed the pain while it stung but by doing this, it was going to get better, unlike the rest of me.

"Better?" He asked.

I nodded. "Thank you." I was about to smile but didn't.

Why were my emotions playing up tonight?

"You don't have to be tough around me, you know."

"I don't like it."

"Like what?"

"The pain." I muttered.

"Oh, it still hurts?" He asked, looking at my recently hurt finger.

"No. The pain..."

"From?"

I wanted to cry, talking about...her made me cry so I stopped and lied. "The math binder, I mean. Sorry, I got confused."

He didn't look convinced but didn't press for more information.

"Okay," he began. "Were gunna start with the simplicities seeing as that's what you prefer. What is 3x + 9x?" He asked.

"11x." I answered.

"Okay. How about 2y - 5y?"

I looked down. "I used to know." I admitted.

"It's not so hard. What's 5 - 3?"

"2."

"Then just add in the negative."

"Okay."

We continued the basics until ten fifteen when Edward had to go.

"Thank you." I said again.

"Will I be seeing you again?"

I thought about it for a moment. "I don't think that would be good..."

"I don't-"

"I wasn't done." I said.

"Sorry." He mouthed.

"I don't think that would be a good idea but I would like to pick the time I next see you."

"How about after school?"

I shook my head and felt like laughing. "I was the one that said I would pick the time so you better get a good night sleep because you're going to be...t-tutoring me at four in the morning. Sweet dreams." I almost smiled as I said goodbye to him at my front door.

There were a few reasons I chose that time.

I could tell Charlie and Renee he wasn't actually helping me and steel money from their wallets when they were looking to pay for him. I didn't want them to know because then they would think I was making an effort to recover and I wanted to be discrete about it.

Another was because it was most convenient.

I slept until three thirty that night, woke up at four in the morning having nothing to do until six but that would all soon change.

Edward was filling in that time slot.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The next morning was the same...and different.

I woke up, less groggy than usual.

I took a bus to school and people watched during it.

I got the logistics of my math.

I wrote a poem...about death in English but it was still a poem.

This time when Mike asked me to fill in as his lab partner for the week because Jessica's out of town, I said yes.

I actually did the warm up in gym class.

I actually ate more than a cookie at lunch.

What the fuck is happening to me?

That evening when I came home and walked into the house my parents were sitting at the kitchen table and called me in to talk with them.

My mom pulled me over and lifted the back of her hand to my head. "Sweetheart, are you feeling okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" I asked in the same monotone voice but there was a edge to it.

"We got a call from your school today."

"Okay..."

"And you...participated in class?" My dad tried to comprehend.

I shrugged, not wanting to talk about it and stalked upstairs to my room and did my homework for the first time in four months, ate my full dinner for the first time in four months and took a bath for the first time in...years.

By three thirty I was up and by four, I could here something tapping against my window.

_Tap, tap, tap._

A rock.

I walked over to the window and opened it up to see Edward standing on the grass during the cold nights of Forks.

"Climb up." I whispered.

"'Kay." He shrugged.

He climbed up easily, like it was something he would do on a regular basis and bounced into my room and looked around.

"I can't see anything." He whispered.

I ran over to the desk lamp and turned it on. "There."

He looked around my room until his eyes stopped on my night table. "What's that?"

"What's what?" I tried to make out what he was eying.

"That book or warn out journal with loose papers sticking out the sides. What is that?"

I caught on quickly and ran over to my night table, jabbing my leg into the corner. "Shit." I murmured.

"I'll go get some ice." I stated monotonically.

"Be quiet." I hissed.

He was back in three seconds with an ice pack in both hands and held it up against my left thigh. "Is this something you do a lot?"

"Hurt myself?" I confirmed.

He nodded, smirking.

"Yes." I confessed and he chuckled. "What?"

"I'll keep that in mind but are you going to tell me what that is?"

"It's nothing."

"You didn't get a charlie horse for nothing."

"It's nothing!" I growled.

"Okay, I'll drop it." He surrendered. "How's the thigh?"

"Better," I would have smiled, but I didn't. I knew better.

"Okay, so English or Science."

"Science." I said quickly. I was avoiding English.

"Science it is." He murmured suspiciously.

We sat down at the desk, close in proximity.

He set his things on the table and opened it.

"I have green eyes, right?"

I looked up into his emerald jade's, nodding with a daze.

"Why do you think that is?"

I shrugged.

"Well, let's say both my parents had brown eyes, which they don't but let say they did, why do I have green?"

"Because it's the recessive gene."

"Exactly. Brown, like your eyes, is dominant, more common, comprende?"

"Yeah."

"Did you know that being able to make your tongue into an O shape is a dominant gene?" I shook my head, no. "Go ahead, try it." He suggested.

I stuck my tongue out and tried to make the O shape but I couldn't. "Why can't I do it?" I asked.

"Because your parents have the recessive gene."

"Can you do it?"

He stuck his tongue out making a perfect O with it and I smiled. "It's perfect."

Wait - hold up.

Did Bella Swan just smile?

I tried to wash the smirk off my face but I couldn't let it turn into a straight line. It felt so good. He seemed to notice the joyed look on my cheeks.

"Your smiling." He accused lightly.

"Then it must be a dominant gene."

He laughed lightly. "Feels good, doesn't it?"

"I don't know what's happening to me." I whispered.

"Would you like to tell me?"

I shook me head, no.

"You don't have to."

"Then why do you keep asking?"

He shrugged. "Sometimes we do things we have no control over, by instinct. That's the only answer I have."

"Ask all you want, I won't answer."

"I don't expect you to." He beamed through his jaded eyes.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Can you not tell anyone I smiled?" I said, looking down at my hands. My fingers were picking at my nails with hope.

"Why?"

"I don't want to recover, Edward. People thinking I am, will only bring out more questions that I'm not ready to answer. Half of them I can't even answer myself. I don't want to let people down again. If I just keep letting them down, then they have nothing to expect. No high bars that I can't reach even with steel stilts on. I like routine and when it changes, I don't know how to move on."

"I understand. Is this going to be a routine?"

"T-t-tutoring?" I stumbled.

"Yeah."

"It will be." I smiled the second time that night in four months.

"You shouldn't hide that smile." I swear I saw his hand twitch.

"It's the only choice I have."

He changed the subject back to Biology. "Your brown hair is a dominant gene as well. I think you get all that now but tell me, if both my parents had brown eyes, why do I have green besides that it is the recessive gene?"

"Because they also have the recessive gene you just can't see it. It's hidden, basically."

"That's correct."

He continued to talk about hidden features as I lied my head down on my arm on the desk lightly, shutting my eyes and listening to his velvety and melodic voice melt deep into my eyes drums.

His voice, it's like it's own lullaby. It soothes the distress I hold involuntarily. You can't help it but fall asleep just like I did.

It only took five minutes for that to happen but it has only taken Edward's first words to kick in and change my life within hours.

But then again, it only takes one second to die.

And he can't save me.

_**There ya go!**_

_**I hope you guys are liking the book so far. It's a little different than what I usually do.**_

_**R&R**_

_**xoxox**_

_**NikCul  
**_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I woke up in my bed that morning. I swear I had fallen asleep on the desk.

I perched up on my elbows and looked around. Everything seemed in it's place. Edward had just put me to sleep.

I felt embarrassed by his polite task, he'd touched me, obviously, and I couldn't afford it.

I hit my head back against the pillow, taking in the Saturday morning of no school and turned my head to look at my night table like every weekend morning but it wasn't there.

I sat up again wondering if I was just blind but it wasn't there.

My fucking journal wasn't on the night table where it had been there last night.

That bastard took it.

Edward Cullen took my journal.

Well you know what they say, curiosity killed the cat. From now on, I stand by that statement.

EPOV

After I had finished explaining a couple things about genes, I looked at Bella to ask her something but stopped when I saw her peaceful figure up against the desk. I couldn't wake her specially when she gets no sleep in the first place.

Gently, respecting the boundaries, I picked her up like a baby and placed her back into the already untucked sheets and let her sleep soundlessly.

Or so I thought.

"Angela." She whispered in her sleep over and over again. "Angela."

Soon, it dimmed from a clean sound to slow mumbles and then nothing.

Curiosity got the best of me; I stole her journal.

BPOV

My life is in that journal. All my secrets and worries. Fears and happy moments and now they were exposed to him all because I had to be the idiot and fallen asleep! He wasn't getting away with this.

I walked downstairs, realizing that both my parents had already left for work and went into the kitchen to get a small something to eat when there was a knock on the front of the door.

I answered it to Edward's face. "Here." He said, sticking my journal out in front of him.

"I don't want it back, you read it. I can no longer trust you."

"I didn't read it, I swear."

"How can I know that?"

"I promise." His eyes were sincere.

I reached out for my book and when the tips of our fingers touched, he shocked me. "Ow." I jerked. "You shocked me."

"Sorry. Umm...here...again."

I reached for it carefully and took it back. He looked like he was about to leave when I said something unexpected before I could think.

"You can stay, if you want."

He turned around with a smile on his face. "Really?"

"Why not?" I asked rhetorically.

He walked in and slipped off his shoes and joined me at the kitchen table for breakfast. I ate a bowl of Corn Pops Cereal while he had Fibre1.

"Why'd you take it?" I asked suddenly.

He looked up so his eyes met mine. "I was curious."

"Curiosity killed the cat." I restated out loud.

"They have nine lives." He smirked back.

I pushed the journal towards him. "Go on, open it and read the first page, out loud if your not afraid of loosing a life."

"I can't do that, it's private."

"I'm telling you to."

He opened it up and began reciting. "I am bumble bee bug, alone, just me, I live in a flower, I daisy you see. It is Friday night, the complication is here, I have no friends, nobody really near. But soon a miracle happened, just right here, a bumble be bug, just like me! Her name is Tilly, can't you see? We laughed and laughed until our mouths when numb. But soon she had to go, but again she will come. I am bumble bee bug, not alone, not just me! I live in a Daisy, with Tilly you see." He paused. "You wrote this?"

"I was only nine, don't worry. Flip towards the end of the book."

He sighed nervously. "Are you sure?"

I nodded.

He closed his eyes and pushed the book back to me. "I won't."

"Why?" Wasn't that the part he'd wanted all along?

"I want you to be able to tell me yourself rather than have me read it."

"I can't do that."

"You want to tell me, so why don't you?"

"It doesn't work that way."

"It could if you really wanted it to."

"I don't know what I want." I mumbled into my hands.

"I know what I want."

"What's that?"

"Come with me." He stood up and held his hand out for me. I didn't take it but stood up and followed him into my backyard.

"What are we doing?" I asked.

"Look, you need to embrace and lace your life. Tie the loose ties. Connect the unconnected wires. Your a mess."

"So standing in the dimly warm sunlight will do what?"

"Just close your eyes and breathe. It'll tell you what to do."

"I won't do that."

"Fine but Bella, take a breathe that doesn't contain carbon monoxide."

"I'm not suicidal."

"Never said you were, but I know you've been thinking about it."

Then it dawned on me.

"You read." I accused. "You lied to me. You said you didn't."

"How does that make you feel?"

I opened my mouth to say something but I am supposed to be emotionless and then I realized something and looked down to my feet. "You tricked me." I guessed. That bastard.

"Well, I tried but your so smart that I can't even out dumb you."

"Why do you care anyways?" I asked furiously.

He shrugged and began to walk away. "Don't walk away from me." I said calmly.

"I'm sorry, what was that? I can't here your monotone voice!" He screamed towards me.

"DON'T WALK THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!" I yelled. And then I smiled at my once hidden anger. How was that?" I called and he smiled and walked back.

"Amazing." He murmured. "Now do you wanna tell me why that was new to you?"

"She-" I began then stopped myself.

"She what?"

"She'll be mad if I don't go make dinner. My mom." I lied and ran in the house, locking the door behind me.

**_Here you go :D_**

**_I might update once more today or twice._**

**_Not sure :S_**

**_xoxoxo_**

**_loving you_**

**_NikCul  
_**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

EPOV

I decided, even though Bella and I had our differences, I'd still go to her house to tutor her.

I didn't know what Bella's issue was with that word but it seemed to always bring her down. I hadn't actually read Bella's journal, it was just obvious. First comes pain which leads to suicide.

At four in the morning, when I threw rocks at her window, I expected her to rush to the window and open in for me. I continued to do that for ten minutes when I finally decided to crawl in through her window.

Devious, I know.

When I landed softly on her floor, I walked over to Bella's bed a nudged her a couple times but she was in a deep sleep and then I heard that same name that I had last night.

"Angela." She repeated over and over again. "Angela. Please, don't go, please. I need you. I never got to say goodbye. Don't leave! Hold on, you must stay with me Angela, you're my inspiration." She was screaming now and I nudged her a couple time to awaken her from her sleep and her eyes shot open and there were tears streaming down her face.

I wanted to pull her into my arms and hold onto her tightly but just like Bella, I knew better than to do that.

She was screaming and sobbing into her pillow and I sat on the edge of her bed and she sad up, wiping her tear stained face with her hand. "Can you pass me a tissue?" She asked with a stuffy nose.

I reached over to her night stand and grabbed a tissue for her and she blew her nose and handed it back to me.

I rolled my eyes and took it then threw it in the trash. "Sorry, I overslept." She said.

"It's okay."

"I've never tried it."

"Tried what?"

"Committing suicide."

"What do you mean?"

"I've written about it many times, dreamed about what it would be like but I would never want to put someone through that pain when they find out I took my own life out of selfishness."

"Did...Angela commit suicide?"

"How do you know about her?"

"You say her name a lot in your sleep."

"Right. The sleep talking issue. What else did I say?"

"That, she left and you never got to say goodbye and she was your inspiration and you don't want her to go and then you screamed."

Tears began falling down her face again and I regretted saying it.

"She didn't commit suicide." She sobbed. "Angela would never take her own life. She always fought."

"Who was Angela?"

She began crying harder. Why do I even bother sometimes? Oh that's right, because I care. I always care. "Shhh....Bella, breathe."

"She d-died." She whimpered.

"Who was Angela?" I asked again.

She wiped her eyes once more and looked up at me. "You have to go." She demanded. "Please."

"Bella, who was Angela?"

"Go!" She sobbed into her arms.

"I won't go, I'm never going to. Please, just tell me who Angela was? What was your relationship?"

"Angela was...you." She whispered the last part.

"What do you mean, 'Angela was me?'"

"Please, I can't afford to loose you, go!"

"I'm not going anywhere. Do I remind you of Angela?"

"Angela was my tutor! Okay? She was my best friend, she inspired me to be who I was. We worked together for years, since I was in grade two! She would always bake me things when I'd go over to her house for lessons and we'd always laugh. She helped me in English, Math and Science. Always them for me and ten minutes away. She was old, late sixties, early seventies, but her mind was the best out there. Full of intellect and wisdom. She gives you a reason to aspire, something to live for. Then, she died; left me. I never got to say goodbye. I was never even aware she was sick. My mom always new everything. She was diagnosed with Cancer, I don't even know where the year before she died and got a stoke the year after then four months ago, she died. Apparently she was fibbing to everyone. Telling them she was fine and they had no reason to worry but no one knew how sick she actually was. So when she died, I died. I stopped trying. There was no need. And then you bounce right in my life. I can't have you here, afraid you'll die too and leave me."

She was out of breathe and crying by her last words and her head fell back against the pillow and she cried into it, soon falling asleep with tear stained cheeks, red puffy eyes and think breathes.

She needs the rest.

It all made sense to me now though, she was hurting and the only thing she had to live for, died so she died. She was hurting but she had no reason to be afraid for I will always be here, even though Angela may be no more, for which, she may love again.

One arm was pulled over her stomach and the other was extended lightly forward on the other pillow.

I lightly laid down next to her on her black double bed in the open spot and faced her peaceful unconscious face and lightly tickled her bare are.

I promised; I would never leave her.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Hi guys, Enjoy!**_

Chapter 6

BPOV

My eyes felt dry and there was an intense sting hiding behind the ball of both eyes and it hurt to blink or keep my eyes open for a long period of time.

I flickered them open a couple of times and the last night flowed through my body.

I wouldn't think that the words 'rough night' would be the proper term to explain it... more like 'what the fuck' is better if you ask me.

Edward's arms were wrapped securely around my whole body and the palm of my hands were on his chest, tucked into his broadness and my head lied on his collarbone and his on my not so lovely head of hair.

"Bella, sweetheart, are you awake?" I heard a voice call from a distance between the walls.

Mom?

What the hell was my mom doing here?

I looked over at the time; it's early. Why is she waking me up?

I could here the slight tap of her footsteps coming up the stairs and they increased as she got closer to my room.

"Bella," she repeated, "are you awake?"

"Shit." I mumbled under my breathe then turned to Edward's peaceful face. "Edward," I nudged him, "get up." I whispered and then when he wouldn't budge, I slapped his face and he resumed into consciousness.

"Is there a fire?" He asked groggily.

"No, but there might be! My mom is coming!" I exclaimed in a whisper.

"Crap." He hissed. "Umm..."

I didn't even think, I just jumped right on top of him, my back on his chest, covering him with my whole body, a little elevated then normal but not enough to notice. Edward was breathing deeply under me from shock of the close proximity.

"EDWARD! Stop breathing heavily. It looks like I'm out of-"

Just when I was about to say my next word, my mom barged into my room. "Oh, you're awake." She observed. "I just wanted to tell you that your father and I won't be home until later so don't worry. Our day trip got extended with the Blacks, okay?"

"Sure thing mom." I smiled; her eyes widened. "What?" I asked.

She began to walk closer to me. "What?!" I urged.

"Isabella Marie Swan, did you just...smile?"

Crap. I'd been doing it so often that I'd been getting used to it. "Yeah." I beamed again.

She walked closer. "Honey, could you sit up, I need to feel your forehead."

"No!" Not just because there was a green eyed boy lying under me but because she was being absurd. "So what, I smiled. We all do that."

"Alright..." She surrendered letting it go for now.

"Bye." I murmured.

"Bye Bella."

She closed the door again and walked all the way down stairs, out the door, shut it and locked it behind her.

When she had done all that, my back was suddenly pinned against my bed and Edward was hovering over me with a smile.

"You stayed," I accused in a whisper.

"I promised I would."

"I don't know if you remember but I wasn't exactly completely aware last night." I smirked.

"No, but you're getting better." He said, staring at my newly born smile.

"How so? I can portray any emotion I want, but how can I be sure if I actually feel it; embrace it."

His body leaned against mine and he took his right hand and cupped my cheek. "You can feel this."

I nodded slowly; agreeing.

"How does it make you feel?"

It was like an electric shock kind of. It felt right, yet off. "It feels kind of...weird."

He abruptly pulled his hand away but I took it and placed it back. "I didn't say I didn't like it." I confessed and then regretted it, giving him his hand back.

This wasn't right, I shouldn't be feeling these things, it wasn't normal for me. I'd always let my heart out and then it would just get crushed like ice. You think it's tough and hard, when really, it's easily breakable.

He got off me and walked over to his backpack and put it on over his shoulder and was about to open the door to my bedroom when I spoke up. "Don't go." I confessed. "I still want you to tutor me today."

"I thought you didn't know what you wanted."

"I don't, but when I do, I know it's gunna involve you." I felt embarrassed saying this. "I may not know what the future holds and yesterday it looked black and dull, like a never ending tunnel and you don't even realize when you've hit the trapped door and now, ever since last night, it looks bright like a star that never stops shooting. That, is what I know my friend. What I want? It's irrelevant. I don't think we need to plan our lives, that was something I never did. I like to play as I go and whatever happens, happens. Whether it be a tragedy or a joyful event. Things happen for a reason, I always knew that but you taught me the truth. Things _do_ happen for a reason. Why? I'm not sure. But just from a simple confession, I feel better."

"They do," he agreed, slipping his bag off his shoulder and walking back to the edge of my bed. "Can I ask you something?"

I nodded my head.

"Do you believe she died for a reason?"

"No." I stated back into that same monotone voice looking down.

"I do. She was sick; she wasn't well. It was hurting her inside and out but she didn't want the sympathy and you can't blame yourself for that."

"I don't blame myself."

"Good but what I'm trying to say is that, she was in pain. Her only solution was to pass away no matter how tragic it was."

I started to cry again and he pulled me into his arm, soft, naturally like he'd done it so many times before but never actually had.

I pulled back and he smiled at me and the one word he said _should _have killed my mood.

_**Hmmm...I wonder what that word is....**_

_**I know it but you're just gunna have to wait for my next update!!!!**_

_**r&r**_

_**xoxoxo**_

_**loving you**_

_**NikCul  
**_


	7. Chapter 7

_**hi guys, sorry I haven't updated in a long time but that's about to change :D**_

_**enjoy...**_

Chapter 7

BPOV

"English?" Edward smiled and I grinned back.

It seems irrational to love hearing that word but for the first time in forever I didn't fear and cringe at the thought of doing what I love; being happy and just living life. I never thought I'd recover at all and now I'm moving faster in the process then I ever thought I would and it's only been four days, I think.

"Of course. I'd like that." I replied, reaching over to my night table and grabbing my journal, placing it on his lap and opening it up to the second page. "Page two." I whispered and he looked down and began to read aloud.

"Grade six has passed by, I'll miss it but be happy as I can possibly be. What will grade seven be like? Hopefully better. I have class with Alice and Emmett. Rose and Jasper are in Mr. Banner's class. I'm glad I'm with Ms. Cope. She says she loves being a teacher and a secretary but soon she'll only be a secretary. Teaching seems to be too much for her. I know we will always be great friends. I have all my core subjects with her and as much as she's gunna help me, Angela will teach me separately. It's already been six years. She says my writing keeps getting better and better and that's all we can hope for. Anyways, I have to go now, first day of summer and all and Ali has invited the gang over for a nice swim in her pool. It's sure gunna be fun. Love you, xoxo Bella Swan."

"I lost my journal after that day at Alice's house and when I went over to get ready for grade eight graduation, and found it tucked back in her box of old training bras. We were looking through various old things happy about how far we'd come and there it was." I explained.

"What'd you wear to graduation?"

"Turn the page and you'll find out."

He smiled then turned the page and continued to read. "Graduation day. We may not be dressed head to toe in black with fancy hats and fringes but I resemble 1 out of 90 kids in my school, the only one wearing a sweetheart strapless dress, silky black with pinkish-reddish zebra silky dimmed prints covering parts of the dress. It was a cocktail dress. Right above the knee and hugged what curves I had nicely. Alice picked it out for me and she couldn't have made a better choice."

"Sounds nice. Can I see it?"

I shook my head. "I burned it, sorry."

He chuckled. "Guess I'm not surprised."

"She was there, Angela. Cheering me on and everything. When I got handed that white diploma, she smiled bigger than I'd ever seen. I swear, she was happier than my parents." I chuckled a laugh without humor at the memory. "Some things just don't make sense, you know?"

"I know." He agreed. "So what's next?"

"Why don't you turn the page?"

And he did and looked down at the soft pages and began reading. "High School, it's weird. It makes you wanna barf when you take a look at all the japs and hoes that are among these concrete halls. They aren't worthy. There are so many boys in skinny jeans, you wonder how painful it is to get hard." He chuckled in agreement. "They have so many pierces, they could become the world's next human shower head. It's sad really but I have Alice and Rose that'll laugh the whole way through with me." He beamed through the words. "You have quite an imagination Isabella Swan."

"Bella." I corrected. "Angela always called me Isabella so I let it slide. I only let _her _call me that. Now that she's...g-gone, I'll never be called that again. Ever."

"I see where you're coming from."

We continued to read to grade ten which was about two more pages until the hard core hell writing came in.

"Turn it." I told him.

"Alright..." He hesitated.

"You're gunna laugh at some parts."

"No I won't." He said.

"Trust me, you will. Humor was my only way out of this deep depression."

"We'll see."

And then he began.

"Red anger burning inside your core. There is no way for it to escape. No way for it to stop! It's a shaking pain that's headed towards infinity. It burns everything around it and grows bigger and bigger, over powering your every inch. Head to toe. It's like a sharp burning knife is stabbing your inner self and twists inside of you and you just feel like screaming and punching the hell out of something until it bleeds but it never will therefore it never goes away. The pain just increases, getting worse and worse and it won't leave. So how do you ever overcome it? You don't, you just live with a sharp shooting pain forever. Infinity." He recited. "I'm sorry." His eyes looked sincere.

"Happens to the best of us." I said, trying to sound optimistic. "Go head, continue."

"One day you feel free, and that you can enjoy, then a hot blue rage comes back, and all it does is destroy. Blue is the colour of sad, but it's the hottest fire alive, the worst pain of all, hurt is what it must strive. Puddles of pain fill up in your eyes, flooding your whole body yet continues to rise...." He read. "That's it?"

"I never got a chance to finish it. I will someday, but not today."

"Okay. Next?"

"Next." I agreed. "The next one I wrote when I found out she was sick."

"So what was the other stuff?"

"That's when I also found out she was sick."

"Oh, okay." Then he read, "Angela, I love you. I really hope you feel better and I'm so sorry you're in the hospital. I wanna say thank you though. Thank you for tutoring me, improving my English marks and always being there for me as a tutor, and as a best friend. You will be in my heart forever but I know you will recover, you have to recover because you own a huge part of my life and I can't imagine a place and life where you don't exist. I love all the moments we've shared from the cookies you baked me during lessons to the humor for reading my work. Angela, I love you so much and I just want to say thank you. I will love you always, Bella."

I could feel the tears trying to pop out of my eyes but we weren't done yet and there was no way we were finishing now.

"Just keep reading," I informed him. "Don't stop and confirm, just go but before you do that, this is my head you're about to read. This was me when I ignored people and how I felt when they turned on me."

He nodded. "I have nothing to say - not a word, not a peep, not a sound. There is nothing I can think of to speak. My thoughts are tangled in a web deep in my head and there is no way to fish for them. Nothing confidential there and nothing important yet I have nothing to say. Nothing seems significant or worth saying. Nothing I want to say but at the same time, so many things I could. I have nothing to say therefore, I am a mental mute." He paused then continued. "I wondered how long it would take before anyone realized I'd stopped talking. I just sat next to Alice with Emmett in front of me. Alice was working on a new design for her clothing line she wants to open and Em was doing g-d knows what." He chuckled at that part. "I just figured, why don't I become a mental mute for real? It's not like anyone wanted to hear my voice so why bother? Anyone would backfire what I'd say so _why bother_?! I wasn't going to. How long would it take for them to realize I'd stopped talking?"

"She's died."

"Hmm?"

"The next part you are going to read, she'd dead. She is gone! Fucking forever!" I jerked and I couldn't help but cry and he moved over to sit next to me on the bed and pulled me into his arms.

"Everything is going to be okay."

"How do you know?"

"Because, if it's not okay, it's not the end."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

So Edward and I never really got to finish our whole "read Bella's journal for closure" kinda thing so after about an hour of sobbing, he left, leaving me with two pages of math homework, raw vegetables and the house to myself.

Once I finished my two pages of math homework while eating some raw vegetables in a house alone, my parents came home and made dinner and after I ate it, I went straight to bed, happy to welcome Edward's arrival at four.

This time, he just waltzed right in here naturally like he's lived here his whole life.

"Okay," he began "so I decided you need a life."

"Excuse me?"

He came and sat on the edge of my bed. "You need a damn life."

"I repeat, excuse me?"

He chuckled. "When was the last time you went out, had some fun, bended the rules a bit?"

I _really _had to think. "I honestly don't know. Maybe a year or two ago." I admitted.

"I'm not surprised. Well, this week, no homework, no tutoring just fun and games and fresh air."

"I'm not paying to waste the gas in your car." I argued.

"Who said anything about my car?"

"Not everything is in walking distance."

"Just live a little. We'll drive at times, walk at times and have fun. What have you got to loose?"

"My privileges to ever see the light of day ever again." I contradicted.

"Since when did you play by the rules, Bella? Really?"

I rolled my eyes. "Since never." I gave in. "Hold on, let me change."

I ran into my washroom and picked up jeans and a baggy blue top off the floor and a gray cardigan and stalked back into the room and slipped on my Converse.

"That'll do." He stated, looking at my appearance a bit uneasy and seeming to dislike it.

"We aren't going to a fucking wedding so hop out my window and get on with it."

He smiled and stepped out the window, down the vines on the brick walls and landing swiftly on the bushy grass. "Come on Bella." He yelled in a whisper careful not to wake anyone up in the early morning.

I shook my head. "I am so gunna die."

He held his arms open for me. "Just jump."

"Are you stupid? I'm gunna kill myself and you know that's last on my list."

He grimaced. "I promise you won't get hurt. I'm strong; I'll catch you."

I sighed and began putting my small feet on the thick vines then obviously I missed a vine, scraped my foot against nothing along with my hands trying to pull me up by nothing and fell down two stories and into the the pale arms of Edward Cullen. Once I was there, we both fell straight onto the grass with my on top of him. Shocker.

Yet, despite the pain in my hands and my horrific clumsiness, we both started to laugh a soft chuckle over the night. I could feel him shaking underneath me with each burst and I looked at his beaming face in response. "I totally saw this coming."

"But it feels good, doesn't it."

"I'm not denying it."

"Didn't think you would."

I rolled off of him and after he stood up, he helped me up and we brushes the grass off ourselves and back onto the grounds.

"Where to?" I asked.

"Just follow me." He smiled, grabbing my hand and pulling me away from my house and onto the deserted streets, walking along the roads.

"So tell me about yourself." He smiled, turning his head to me though our hands were still locked.

"Umm...what do u wanna know?" I chuckled.

"Everything. Who is, or was Bella Swan?"

"My birthday is September 13th...umm...I like the colour black? Or used to. Now I like green. The emerald jade kind." I blushed. The only reason why I liked it was standing right in front of me.

"Come on..." He pleaded.

"My middle name is Marie even though I hate it."

"How come?"

"It's so blehh."

He smiled.

"How about you? Who is Edward Cullen?"

"I'm a senior at your school majoring in math and science and my English is pretty good. I'm going to Darmouth next year, I just found out last week."

"Congrats." I grinned at him.

"Thanks. My middle name is Anthony and I love the colour brown."

"Brown?" I confirmed.

"Yes. Brown."

"Why?" I asked in awe.

"I'd say but the answer is standing right in front of me."

I turned around to look behind me when I realized I was the answer. "Is it, a _mud _brown?" I asked.

"Nope, it's a _chocolate _brown."

"Then what is it? My eyes were mud brown not chocolate brown."

He grimaced. "Your eyes are not a mud brown, they're chocolate. Warm and creamy."

"Are you calling my eyes edible?" I joked.

"Are you calling my eyes emerald jade jewels?" He pressed.

"Are you just saying you like the colour of my eyes only because I said I love the colour of yours?"

"So you're not denying it?"

"Will you just answer the question?"

"You're in denial."

"Oh my g-d..." I rolled my eyes.

"No." He stated.

"No what?"

"I'm not just saying I like that colour because you like mine. I really like your eye colour."

"Enough for it to be a favourite?"

He nodded. "Always."

"I guess that makes me a little happy, which as we all know is rare."

He pulled me left as we began to walk in a different direction, up the hill and into the forest. "Only for the past four months it's been rare." He said.

"Two years, actually. When I thought she was diagnosed with cancer. I didn't find out until later my assumption was correct though."

"You shouldn't feel that way."

"I know that now." I smiled looking at him, a gift from the heavens and then turned to the vast woods. "Are we going in here?" I asked.

"Why not?"

I looked at him and frowned. "I clipped my skin on a binder, walked into a night table, scraped both my knees and hands on a brick wall and landed flat against your body on my front lawn all in four days. I don't think the woods is the most conventional place for a clumsy person to walk specially with all the roots and rocks."

"Stop overreacting. You'll be fine, I'll save you if you fall."

"Like last time?" I reminded him in disbelief.

"Just walk." He chuckled and pulled me along inside the forest.

_**There ya go!**_

_**I hope you liked it.**_

_**I'll probably update again tomorrow, just saying :D**_

_**R&R**_

_**xoxoxo**_

_**loving you**_

_**NikCul  
**_


	9. Chapter 9

_**Here ya go!!!**_

Chapter 9

"Really, Bella, really?" Edward grimaced.

"What?"

"It's not that scary."

"Do you not see that?"

"I do see it."

"Well do you not see a root after root after root with sharp rocks in-between all of them. You expect me to go home the same way I came back after this experience?!"

"That wasn't my intention but if you don't cross those roots, there might be an injury."

"I hate you." I glared, carefully walking over the roots and avoiding the rocks.

After about three minutes, I walked about a meter of roots and rocks. That's sad.

But no, the g-ds had to just had to decide today must be "hate Bella day" so on the last root, I tripped and fell right on my face. Edward burst into laughter.

"I hate you." I stated angrily again.

"Hey now, anger _is _an emotion." He smiled.

"Eff off." I growled, getting up.

He took my hand again and I pulled it away. "You're not worthy." I smirked.

"Alright. Don't blame me when you get lost in the dark woods all by yourself because your stubborn ass can't handle me."

"My ass is not stubborn." I confided.

He rolled his eyes in the dark. "Come on, we still have a long way to go. We've already wasted a half an hour on your clumsiness."

"Fuck you." I laughed.

"Already have." He chuckled.

My jaw dropped open and I pushed him lightly with my hands. "Man whore."

He smiled and then changed the subject. "So what makes you think you're such a goodie-two-shoes compared to me?"

"I never said I was." I challenged.

"Then enlighten me."

We continued to walk further into the woods while I spoke. "I used to do my work right when I came home, make dinner, clean my room, take showers before bed. I wouldn't hesitate when my mom asked me to do something. I was kind of a pushover but defended myself when I needed to and I made lunch every night before bed. I plunged the toilets, emptied the dishwasher then filled it back up. Mopped the kitchen floors and vacuumed the rest of the house. I was truly an angel as my mom would say. Then Angela...died and it all went down hill."

"Didn't you have a social life?" He asked, bewildered.

"Alice, Rose, Jasper, Emmett and I would go out quite often but I'd always be the odd ball out. Alice and Jazz are a thing and same with Emmett and Rosalie. Then there was me. I tried dating but it's fucking hard when you're me. A friend of two couples. Alone and unhappy. That was, when I wasn't with Angela." I stared down at my pacing feet. "How about you?"

"How about me what? My social life?"

I nodded.

"I had friends, still do but I'm tired of the whores."

"Lauren and Tanya?" I laughed.

He nodded. "They keep thinking that I want _that _but it's far from what I want."

"What do you want?"

"Someone genuine, you know?"

I nodded once again. "What about the physical kinds of things. You've probably kissed a girl before."

He snorted. "Of course, I'm in grade twelve and I've done shit but I regret it all. I was youngish then and now I'm off to university. Life isn't a joke to me anymore. I really do cherish it."

"What kinds of things did you do?" I pressed.

"Shit." He chuckled.

"So you either got diarrhea or constipation every time you kissed a girl?"

He grimaced. "No, I just made bad choices."

"Lost it at a party?" I guessed and he nodded. "Why am I not surprised?" I asked rhetorically.

"Have you ever even kissed a guy?"

I shook my head, no and he laughed. "At least I have a lower chance in getting AIDS then you do Mr. Fucks-a-lot."

"Nice and it was only once...or twice with two different girls. I'm just saying."

"Won't you tell me about it?"

"It was grade ten and I was kind of serious with this girl and she dragged me to her brother's college party, we got drunk and took things too far. She broke up with me the next day because I took 'advantage' apparently and then she moved to Australia."

"She needs therapy." I observed.

"Agreed." He grinned then looked at me and stopped walking. "You seriously have never kissed a guy before?"

I glared at him. "So?"

He shrugged. "I'm just surprised."

"Why?" I questioned.

"You're pretty, that's all."

"So?" I blushed. He'd called me pretty. "Just because I'm what you would call 'pretty' does not indicate I am an active slut in any way."

"Didn't say you were. I'm just surprised you've always been single."

"Stop that."

"Stop what?"

"You don't mean it."

"Mean what?"

"That you're shocked I've always been single."

"It's true."

I looked into his sincere green eyes and smiled. "Thanks."

"Anytime Bella."

We continued to walk hand in hand for another five minutes when we reached the end of the trail and in front of us stood a vast, large meadow. The most beautiful landscape I'd ever seen. This was my kind of heaven.

He pulled me deeper into the vacant scenery and as I saw every swift move of the leaves, the soft wind whistle the branches together and the light movement of the long strands of grass, I smiled. This was home for me even though I'd never been here. This was home.

With Edward.

_**Sorry this chapter is short. I just like to get to the point rather that blaaaaaaaaaa it all out. Plus I like cliffies.**_

_**Just saying.**_

_**Anyways, I hope you enjoyed.**_

_**xoxoxo**_

_**loving you**_

_**NikCul**_

_**OH AND READ AND REVIEW!!!!!!  
**_


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Despite the fact I was alone in a forest with a boy who I barely knew having no sense to where we really were and my life could end as swift as one movement if he wasn't really the Edward I thought he was, despite all that, I felt safe.

We moved farther into the area, exploring and viewing. Or at least I was. This seemed like second nature to Edward.

"Come here a lot?" I asked.

He nodded. "Always. This is my sanctuary. Where I think and everything. I found it a couple years ago hiking through the woods after a huge fight with my parents and every time I'm confused or mad, sad, angry, having an off day, I'll come here. The air is so clean and pure, it makes it easy to think, you know?"

"Completely." I agreed with a tight smile.

"So how about you? Where is your favourite place to go?" Edward asked.

"I'll show you some time." I promised.

"Reign check it is." He smiled and I chuckled.

"I guess you'll be holding me to that?"

"Oh, most definitely."

I laughed again. "So why are we here besides the obvious." I inquired, referring to Edward's happy spot to be.

"Bella, you need to get out more. I want to share this place with you. I want you to be able to come here and be happy, you know?"

I nodded. "Is that it?"

He took a step closer to me. "I came here to rape you as well." He joked.

"It's not rape if I want it." I blurted then covered my mouth with my hand. I was in such a daze I didn't realize what I was thinking or what I said until I said it.

"Excuse me?" He asked. "What did you just say?"

"Rape is often performed by people's aquatints?"

He shook his head. "I don't think was it, Bella."

"You can use plan B birth control 48 hours after rape?"

"Not that either."

"It's not rape if I want it?" I repeated, giving up.

"Hmm..." he pretended to think. "I think that's the one."

I looked down at my feet, blushing to the max. "I didn't mean it that way." I mumbled.

"Hey now, no it's perfectly fine." He smirked then there was a big awkward gap of silence. "I'm thinking we should change the subject..."

"I'm agreeing." I said, still looking at my feet. Holy shit this was fucking embarrassing.

"So...Thursday is Semi-Formal..." He said randomly.

I looked up at his face to try and see what the hell was going on in that brain of his. "What's your point?"

"My band is performing."

"You have a band?"

He nodded, smiling. "Yeah. I sing, play drums, piano, guitar. I'm doing one solo song on the piano and then playing the drums with my band." He explained.

"And you're telling me this because..."

"I've planned our Thursday night out to be Semi."

I think I chocked on my own saliva. "What?"

"Come on, it won't be so bad."

"Edward, don't you know me at all?"

"Yes but this is our week out. You know the whole fresh air kinda thing."

" I don't consider a bunch of sweaty teens grinding each other fresh air and besides, I don't care plus Charlie and Renee won't allow it. It's a Thursday night."

"I kinda already spoke to them and they were thrilled so the easy parts done. The hard part is getting you there and finding a dress that isn't flammable."

"Find whatever kind of dress you want. I'm not going. I'll be a laughing stock! Not only can I not dance, but I don't have friends either."

"Alice, Rose, Jasper and Em will be there." He offered.

"Another reason not to go." I murmured.

"What the hell happened with that?"

"I became depressed and they turned. We haven't spoken for four months now. It's pointless."

"Just come, please."

"No." I told him. I wasn't changing that answer no matter how hard his green eyes pleaded.

"Please." He whispered. "It would mean so much."

"I'll be alone at the dance, in a corner eating ice cream while I sob my life away. _Fuck _no."

"You won't be alone." He disagreed. "You'll have me."

"We're not friends." I stated dryly.

"Maybe we're more. I do recall you saying you wanted to have sex with me but-"

"Just stop talking about that!"

"Bella wants to fuck me, Bella wants to fuck me." He sang in an annoying tune over and over again for three minutes.

"Alright, alright. Just stop the humiliation and I'll go. G-d, your like a wasp that doesn't stop stinging."

"Good."

"I hate you."

"Say it again baby, it won't make a difference."

"I think I just gagged. Don't call me baby. Ugh."

He laughed. "Come on, the sun should rise soon, let's go."

He began to pull me away from my new home but I pulled him back and he stumbled. "What?" He asked.

"Can we stay?" I asked.

"Bella, we can't. You have school tomorrow and your parents would kill me. Friday night we can, okay?"

I nodded and smiled at his promise in the early morning then yawned, suddenly realizing I'm exhausted. "I'm tired. I've never walked so much in my life!" I exclaimed quietly.

"Come on, climb on my back and I'll give you a ride home."

I hopped on his back without much energy and by the time my arms were wrapped safely around his soft neck and my legs secured around his body, I was out like the speed of light.

_**Hiiii. Sorry it's another shortish chapter but the next one will be EXTREMELY long just for alllllll offff youuuu!!**_

_**I love my reviews, ya mean the world to me :D**_

_**xoxoxoxo**_

_**R&R**_

_**loving you**_

_**NikCul**_

_**ps - if you're gunna read my book, what's the harm in reviewing too?**_

_**:D**_

_**no pressure...  
**_


	11. Chapter 11

_**hiiii**_

Chapter 11

School again. A dark and stupid place. Where will Bella sit today at lunch? Will it be alone in the washroom or on the damp grasses of Forks.

For once in a million years, I saw a vacant table and decided to sit there before anyone else. No one would join once I occupied it.

I set my current book down next to me and began nibbling on the ends of my sandwich when I heard a familiar soft voice approach me with a smile. "Is anyone sitting here?" It asked.

I looked up to be met with two royal blue eyes staring back at me with hopefulness and courage. She has brown pixie like hair and was like a pixie herself. Short yet full of good things.

"Alice." I almost whispered. "Of course, have a seat." I said, dazed but trying to fight it and come back to reality.

"It's so good to hear your voice." She observed.

"Same to you."

She sat down across from me and took out her lunch and began playing with the bread. "So how are you?"

"Better." I admitted.

"How so?"

"She's gone and I have to accept that. I'm sorry I overreacted."

"Don't be silly Bella, we should've been there for you. I'm glad you can finally open up about it. What brought this on?"

Here comes the blush but Alice knows me too well. "I've seen that blush before." She stated with a smirk. "Won't you tell me?"

"It's weird how someone can just waltz in your life whether you like it or not." I began but Alice misunderstood.

"I can go Bells..." She began to pack up her things but I stopped her.

"No! I'm talking about a boy."

Suddenly Alice seemed more than interested, tossing her lunch aside of her and perched herself on her two hands with her elbows on the table. "Bella...a boy? That's like....chocolate milk and raw fish. What the hell did I miss that last four months?"

"It's only been five days actually. My mom and dad hired Edward Cullen to tutor me to get my grades up and every night at four he comes and helps me. My parents don't know though, I told them I didn't agree but this week he's letting me get some fresh air so he suggested I go to Semi-Formal this Thursday." I explained.

"And?"

I nodded. "His green eyes convinced me."

"I, Mary Alice Brandon am so proud of you!!!!" She ran over and hugged me tightly. "So can I help you get ready?"

I thought about it for a moment. "Be at my house at four thirty and we'll talk." I smiled and then the bell rang, rushing me to the next period.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

That night when Edward came, I was up and adam with my converse on and a light jacket due to the whether. We hopped outside through the window easily this time. Edward landing on his feet while I landed on all fours. That's an improvement...kinda...

He helped me up though and we made our way back to the meadow we seem to have fallen in love with over night. Or at least I fell in love with.

We sat down across from each other on the dewy grass hand in hand just smiling back at each other. I looked down a couple of times until he spoke first tonight. "How was your day?"

"Good."

"I can tell."

"You watched?" I guessed.

"I'm sure Alice will do a fantastic job fixing you up physically when I woke with your emotions."

"How so? Like...what do you mean my...emotions?"

"Fixing you. Not making you so _pissy _all the time and shit like that." He chuckled.

"I am not _pissy_; I'm depressed." I corrected. "And I have all the reason to be."

"For four months?"

"Yes."

"As long as your really not suicidal..."

I hit his arm playfully. "Eff off. You know I'm not."

"I'm just kidding, jeez Bella."

"Enough with the death talk. That seems to be what we've been talking about for the past five or six days. I wanna talk about things I love."

"Like?"

"Cinnamon toast crunch. Why don't we talk about that?" I asked.

"Because that will be the oddest and most random conversation I have ever had."

"So? If it makes me happy then doesn't it make you happy."

"There is an extent to that."

"Jack ass."

"I could leave then we'll see how much of a jack ass I am when you can't find your way back home."

I glared at him. "I meant I love you!!!!!" I joked.

"Ahhhh...much better."

"Egotistical piece of-"

"I'm just gunna go now..." He smiled, starting to get back up fighting against my words of hate.

But with a little too much force, I grabbed him by the arm and pulled him down. He tripped over a root on the ground and landed flat on top of me, laughing. "Gosh Bella, I didn't know you really did want to have sex with me!"

"Oh my g-d." I mumbled. Not this again.

He chuckled looking up at my face, lifting his hand to touch my cheek. "Did you know Bella means beautiful?" He asked, suddenly serious.

"I've heard that before." I whispered back. "But I can't bring myself to think that's true."

"Why?"

"I'm far from beautiful."

"Or more..." I heard him mutter under his breathe.

"What was that?" I asked.

"Nothing."

"Did you just call me...more than beautiful?" I questioned, bewildered by that small thought.

"I'm not denying it."

"Hey - no steeling Isabella's lines." I smirked.

"Isabella?" He picked out the word.

"Go ahead, call me that if you want."

"But Angela..."

"I only let the people I truly trust and...care" I whispered that word as low as possible "call me that."

But yet, he had heard it. "Care?"

"I'm not denying it."

"Didn't think you would." He smiled back at me.

He caressed my soft cheek once more that night before I drifted into unconsciousness.

_**There ya go!!!**_

_**hope ya likesssss it.**_

_**R&R all the waaay people.**_

_**btw...are we supposed to do disclaimers?**_

_**my bad...**_

_**WELL STEPHANIE MEYER OWNS THESE CHARACTERS!!**_

_**happy?**_

_**:D**_

_**xoxoxo**_

_**loving you**_

_**NikCul  
**_


	12. Chapter 12

_**hi :D**_

Chapter 12

"So what's he like?" Alice asked during lunch the next day.

Rose had joined us today as well and was easily forgiven and just as eager as Alice.

"Edward?" I confirmed.

They nodded their hands, yes and I smirked. "He's sweet and kind and soft. He makes me laugh and we joke a lot together and when I'm with him, I can't be emotionless, only happy. He's..._genuine_."

"Sounds nice. So he asked you out to Semi Thursday night?"

"No, no. It's not like that. He just suggested I go for the fresh air." I explained.

"Ya right." Rose snorted.

"Bella, Edward likes you. Based on what you've told us it's extremely obvious."

I shrugged. "I can't be sure yet. I _am_ paying him, remember?"

"Sweetheart, if you gave that boy a penny he'd agree." Rose laughed.

"Stop being melodramatic guys." I urged as soon as the bell rang. "I got to go to class. Talk to you later. Rose, feel free to come over tomorrow with Ali, love ya."

I ran away to my next period with a permanent smile planted on my face.

Bella was back.

Kinda...

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

This time when Edward came over, I was already outside waiting for his arrival.

"Hey!" He smiled, jogging over and giving me a hug.

"Hi." I whispered, hugging him back.

"Come on..." He grinned, pulling me towards the woody forest.

"I'm coming!" I giggled, stumbling over my feet.

When we arrived he sat down on the damp grass and patted his lap for me to sit.

I shook my head, no. "I'm not exactly what you would call 'light'."

He rolled his eyes in the deep dark and reached up to my waste and pulled me down on top of his lap while chuckling. Dirty bastard.

"I can't see your face!" I complained.

He ignored my whine. "You have a lovely head of hair." He joked.

"Oh yeah." I said with sarcasm.

I then twisted my torso around to see his face and the proximity of our bodies startled me considering we were closer than I thought. He took a strand of my brown hair and began playing with it gently yet naturally.

"This is nice." I confessed.

"It is. So tell me more abut Angela." Edward pressed.

"She's...one of a kind. Or was. There was no stopping her. She just had a heart full of gold and was always there for me. She helped me overcome my fears and made me a more confident person. She changed me for the better. She reminds me of you, and that scares me."

"Why?"

"I don't want to lose you." I admitted. "I can't."

"I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

I stuck out my hand and lifted my pinky finger up. "Pinky swear?"

He beamed. "Pinky swear." We shook pinkies and I was about to pull my pinky away when he held it tight. He pulled our hands towards him and kissed his thumb. "Your turn."

I pulled the connected hands toward myself and kissed my thumb as well then he pressed out thumbs together, sealing the promise.

"I won't leave, Bella."

"Good because I don't want you to."

He lifted his right hand and tucked it behind my think waves and pulled my face to his, pressing his forehead against mine gently. I closed my eyes, embracing the small movements and lifted my hand to his pale cheek, holding it gently.

"Where do we go from here?" I whispered.

Just as the words flowed out of my mouth, there was a drop of rain landing on the side of his cheek, over my hand followed by a bunch of rain drops until the rain became heavier and the sky began to lighten through the mad clouds and the flash of dim lightening.

"We should go. It'll be light soon and the rain is starting to pick up."

I nodded. "Okay."

I got up off him and he followed not long later and hand in hand we began to tread through the mud.

"This is disturbing and disgusting all at the same time. " I complained over the thunderous rain.

"Stop overreacting Bella." He laughed.

Just then, I slipped on the dampened mud, landing backwards with my whole back in a bowl of brown mush. Edward laughed harder than I'd ever seen.

"Edward! How do you expect me to explain the fact that I am covered in mud from head to toe to my parents?" I grimaced at his chuckling face.

"Just come on...we have to go." He said, trying to calm down.

"Help me up dumb ass or I'll just slip and fall again!" I exclaimed.

He rolled his eyes but lent a hand to the needy and when our hands connected there was nothing stopping me from pulling him down as well. If I looked like walking shit, he will too.

"Fuck!" He yelled as his back when digging into the mud.

"Oops?" I giggled. "Are you sure my eyes don't match this colour?" I asked rhetorically.

He sat up, glaring it me. "I'm positive."

"Aww...even aggravated and covered in mud you're still so sweet." I smirked.

Suddenly, I realized that both his hands where behind his back and then I was hit with a huge compressed ball of mud. "_Crap_!" I laughed.

"Actually it's mud..."

I hit him back right in the chest and began tossing it randomly at him, the rain poring over our bodies.

I crawled closer to him on all fours and he sat in a sitting position welcoming my arrival.

"I won't hit you." He promised.

I reached him and touched his clean face with my muddy hand. "I trust you." I smiled.

Suddenly the thunder screamed above us and we both stood up carefully, walking the rest of the way out of the forest and into the open area headed towards civilization.

He dropped me off at my house and hugged me goodbye and when I crawled up my window, I crawled right back into bed, not wanting to wash away an amazing night.

_**there ya go!!**_

_**I'm trying to make the chapter's a bit longer so tell me if this is good or what not...**_

_**R&R**_

_**xoxo**_

_**loving you**_

_**NikCul  
**_


	13. Chapter 13

_**I'm baaack**_

_**here you go.**_

_**Enojy**_

_**oh and for my reviewers, check ur inboxes, I reply to your reviews and for people who read and don't review, review and then you can talk to me about twilight or my book in the inbox or if you have any questions**_

_**and leahnightt....**_

_**SHUT UR PEEP HOLE!!**_

_**She's my best friend in real life so she likes to diss my book even thought she KNOWSSSSS edward isn't a vampire!!**_

_**she's knew to the whole thing so just for future reverence, if edwards eyes are GREEN then he is human!!!**_

_**jeezzz leahh...**_

_**anyways, here ya go!!!!**_

Chapter 13

"ISABELLA MARIE SWAN GET OUT OF BED RIGHT NOW!" My mom yelled in the early morning.

I pulled the covers over my head groggily and all I saw was the blinding lights from the lamp with the heat radiating off it.

"What?" I mumbled.

"What?" My mom asked calmly. "WHAT?" She then yelled and I rolled my eyes at her tone. "You want to tell me what the fuck you did last night? And don't give me that damn eye roll."

"Shit." I murmured under my breath.

"Well?" She waiting.

What was I going to tell Renee? _Oh yeah mom, by the way I go out every night to the woods with a boy a year older than me_? Oh yeah, let's see how that conversation goes...

"Isabella." She growled.

I stood up out of my bed and looked her in the eyes. "Don't call me that." I hissed.

"What's gotten into you?" She questioned, shifting her weight backwards.

"I'm happy." I admitted. "Don't ask why and don't expect anything from it. Just let me be happy."

"Since when? I don't understand!"

"You don't need to!"

She shook her head. "I am your mother. You came out of my womb and I raised you therefore if you feel the need to be stubborn and spoiled go ahead but you're grounded until you can prove to me that this isn't my daughter standing before me." She turned and stalked out of my room grabbing my phone and laptop on the way out. Well, I still had my books.

Lately for Bella Swan, grounded only means more privileges.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"So she grounded you, took away all your communicative privileges all because you told her you were happy and you didn't want her interfering?" Alice confirmed.

"Just about it." I answered.

"What a bitch!" Rose exclaimed. "I mean, she's your mom and all but I would die if I was you! Besides, what does she even expect?

"I hope you know I don't have the biggest record in communication for the past few months." I reminded her. "So that's not a big deal and I'm not entirety sure what she expects but today she has parent teacher conferences so she's gunna be out until later which means you guys can come over after school and we can sneak out."

"Since when were you this devious?" Alice asked.

"Since now." I laughed. "You have a problem with it?"

"No! Of course not! You always used to be so damn uptight!"

"I know." I said monotonically.

"But now... I love it."

"Thanks. Anyways, I got to go to class earlier to get help from my biology teacher. Bye!" I said as i hurried away.

Never thought I'd see the day where I'd seek help from a teacher.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I ran downstairs when I heard the faint sound of a light knock on my door and opened it up to Alice's and Rosalie's faces.

"Hi guys, come on up."

Their faces were stunned when they walked into my room.

"You painted your room black!" Alice exclaimed in pure hatred.

"Yeah, but I think I'm gunna paint over it. This isn't really me anymore."

"And we're glad." Rose stated. "Now sit down." Her cheerful, happy-go-lucky tone changed to pulling-all-the-roots-out-of-you're-hair for Semi until you die. Yay?

"Okay..." I replied reluctantly.

Alice held out a garment bag, while Rosalie plugged in the flat iron.

Alice unzipped the bag and pulled out a think black cotton tank top and colourful blue high wasted skirt. "It's not a black tie event." She explained, tilting her head left to get a better view of the outfit.

"Rose began clipping the top head of my hair up and straightening underneath my locks.

After they finished my hair and natural looking makeup – ew – I put on the outfit and black flat boots.

"Hey rose, toss my my rings on the night table." I said.

She turned towards my bed and paused. "Ummm...Bella?"

"Mmm?" I said looking at Rose's face.

"Why does it look like you shit in your bed?"

I looked at my bed, then back at her stunned face and burst into laughter. "Edward and I fell in the mud."

She stuck out her left hand not wanted to hear anymore of it.

"Jeez, get a grip. I didn't fuck him." I rolled my eyes.

"Here." She mumbled, handing me my rings.

"Thanks." I smiled as I put them on.

While I finished getting ready, Alice and Rose got ready themselves. Alice wore a ballerina light pink styled dress while Rose wore a red high wasted skirt and black lace top.

Kinda whorish...I'm just saying.

"So are you ready to go?" Alice asked while she slipped on her converse.

"Umm...do I really have a choice?"

"Nope." She giggled.

I shrugged. "What have I got to lose?"

And the three of us strolled of into the evening. Who knows what to expect?

_**I would have written a longer chapter but someone...cough cough leah was putting her feet in my face, pulling my hair, biting me, playing farmville, rading my phone, creagting bruises all over my body, hacking my fb account, scratching me, made me take off her socks, jumping on me, pinning me to the floor. I had to pull her legs off her computer because she made me agree that I had an issue on my fb wall and so on and so fourth.**_

**_she is a c face_**

**_xoxoxo_**

**_post more soon._**

**_loving you_**

**_NikCul_**


	14. Chapter 14

_**hiya!**_

Chapter 14

I was like my own personal hell. Who themes a Semi-Formal? I mean...the theme of this dance was new years eve and it's the middle of March! There were balloons everywhere and blue ribbons tired around pillars with white table clothes and white covered chairs. There was a DJ with classical songs playing in the background and a whole bunch of teens getting settled.

On the DJ booth there were two guitars, drums, a mike stand and a piano. Hmm...

All the girls were dressed in high wasted skirts with flat or curly heads of hair parading around in high heels while holding their friend's hands. Alice and Rosalie went to sign us in notifying the planners we arrived while I walked around...alone. Of course.

There was a buffet being set up and chairs being tucked into the tables.

Then there was me.

I pursed my lips and began to look around some more when Alice ran up to me. "So...are you glad you came?"

"Okay...number one, it hasn't even started yet, number two, the decorations are kind of lame and number three...did you sign us in?"

She nodded her head eagerly. "Yup."

"Alrighty then...well I'm gunna go look for Edward. Catch up with you in a-"

Suddenly a song I have no recognition of came on and before I could even finish my sentence, Alice went running for Rosalie and straight to the dance floor with the rest of my grade and the grade above me. I knew coming here was a bad idea.

I was about to find somewhere to sit, a small table preferred or look for Edward when someone's hands covered both my eyes, disenabling my eyesight.

"Gee...I wonder who that could be." I said monotonically.

He spun me around and pulled me into a tight hug with a grin on his face.

"Hey Edward." I smiled lightly back.

"Well...you look gorgeous."

"Don't push your eyesight. It's all Alice."

"I'm serious Bella. G-d, can't you take a compliment."

I glared at him.

"Apparently not..."

I was about to ask him where he was sitting when Tanya and Lauren came up to us.

"Hi Edward." Tanya purred. I think I just gagged a little.

"Yeah, hi." Lauren imitated Tanya's tone. Fucking wannabe.

"Hey..." Edward said cautiously.

"Wanna dance?" Tanya asked. Wow. Way to be upfront.

"Actually, no sorry."

"So you wanna dance with me then?" Lauren guessed. Ha. As if. Stupid idiot.

"Umm...no."

"I thought we were your dates!" They exclaimed at the same time. This is just extremely sad.

"Actually...I have a date guys, sorry."

"Who?" Tanya growled seductively. Not a very appealing combination. She kind of sounds constipated.

"Bella."

And if I had a glass of water that would be my cue to spit it out.

"Who's...Bella...?" Lauren asked dizzily.

Idiot.

"Umm...she's standing over there. Kind of right next to you."

I would have said something like "not next to her! I wouldn't dare be in such a close proximity to those whores" but I decided to keep the crude comments to myself.

Both their faces turned toward me and I smiled kindly but behind that it was more or less a "hi. I'm Bella. Go fuck yourself" but I'm not gunna be a bitch just because I'm jealous. Kind of... I mean...he is like...my best guy friend? I'm not entirely sure...

"Anyways, I'll talk you you guys later."

"If she's no good in the bed you know where to find me." Tanya winked. Okay...ew.

He smirked unwillingly and grabbed my hand and pulled me away from the STD contained sluts.

"Sorry." He mumbled.

"About?"

"Them...but I had fun watching your reactions. Care to tell me what was going on in your head?"

"Umm...gag basically."

"Thought so." He chuckled.

"Umm...cue the water..."

"What do you mean?"

"Umm...the date thing. Cue me spiting water out of my mouth when you said it."

"Sorry."

"I'm not." I admitted, looking down. This was so embarrassing specially in a public place.

He lifted his hand to cup my face and I put my hand over his when, all of a sudden, Edward's name was yelled into a mike.

He looked at me and smiled. "My band. We're playing the opening songs, kinda."

I nodded. "Luck."

He grinned and jogged to the slight stage in front of the dance floor while everyone screamed for their band. Edward...JASPER AND EMMETT!? WTF! He's in a band with Jasper and Emmett. Yeah, way to tell me Edward. I rolled my eyes to myself.

Edward was wearing dressy jeans and a blue dress shirt and he made it work. I bit my lip and stalked over to the dance floor when the screaming quieted down.

Jasper was the one singing and he tapped the mike, checking to make sure it was working and then began to speak. "Okay...umm..hi." He began and everyone chuckled at his informality. "One, two, three!" He shouted into the mike and cue Edward on the drums and Emmett on the guitar.

They began the evening with Use Somebody by Kings of Leons, a crowd favourite and I have to admit Jasper was a pretty good singer, when he wanted to be. I'd never heard him like this before. Emmett was always good at electric guitar and writing little songs for Rosalie all the time so it was no surprise to me that he sounded good. As for Edward, this was new to me. I'd never heard him play anything before and only recently found out he was musically gifted but I'll let it slide knowing that I have only known him for a week now. I'll have you know that he looked fucking hot playing those drums with an unusual crooked smile planted on his face notifying me his real and pure happiness no matter how absurd the reason is.

Wow. I go from barely any talking to the F word every five second. Can you blame me?

The whole "crowd" was screaming and singing along intensely while I discretely swayed at the back when Rosalie ran up to me.

"Hey!!!!" Rose screamed over the music. "Come dance."

I think I just choked on nothing. "Don't you know me at all?"

"I thought you changed..."

"That doesn't include my ability to dance, sorry but you go have fun." I smiled.

She shrugged. "Alright." And ran back to Alice and the rest of the crowd listening to their boyfriend's play.

They finished playing and the famous Jasper Hale began talking again. I could feel a smile appear on my lips.

"Well...I hope you liked that. If not...that's embarrassing." He shrugged and everyone laughed. "Okay...so on the guitar we have Emmett." Cue the scream, loudest from Rosalie. "And on the drums...Edward." Cue the louder screams that rang my ear drums probably doing permanent damage. "And I'm Jasper." Cue Alice before he even finished his sentence and then everyone else. Yup, that's Alice for you. "And we are The Forkers. Don't like the name? Well then you can screw-

A teacher yelled at him from the back of the room before he could finish and everyone laughed.

"We have one more song so here it goes."

They finished playing their second song and g-d knows what that song was, a slow one so everyone started slow dancing or going to the now open buffet while I kinda just stood in the crowd....awkwardly.

They finished and everyone screamed for them and Edward ran towards me and gave me a huge hug and I hugged him back. "Good job. Your guitaringness was...nessful." There weren't many word I could describe his playing that didn't involve the words fuck and hot.

"Umm...thanks...I think."

"So when are you playing the piano?"

"Not until the evening is over. Why? Eager to hear me sing?"

"Very." I giggled.

"Then just wait."

"By the way, I'm grounded." I added.

"What did you do?"

"Slept in my bed covered in mud which leaded to a bunch of questions from my mom none of which I answered."

"Sorry."

"It's worth it." I blushed.

"So how are you here?"

"Oh...I snuck out...let it be a first."

"I see."

"Do you?"

When I'm With You by Fabor Drive came on then and Edward took my hand and pulled me towards the dance floor but I pulled back. "Obviously you don't know me." I mumbled.

"Not a dancer?"

I shook my head no.

He shrugged. "Too bad!" He smiled and picked me up by the waste and pulling me toward the dance floor.

"I refuse to dance." I shuddered.

He put me on the ground in front of him and wrapped one hand around my waste taking my hand in the other. I tried to pull away put his hold was too tight.

He spun me around and then dipped me backwards, pulling me up.

"What are we, in a fucking sixties movie?" I asked when my head was at par with his, well a little lower.

He chuckled. "Something like that."

I shook my head slightly and looked down at my feet. "I honestly can't dance." I confessed.

"Stop being such a baby and just sway. It's not that hard."

"I don't even like this song!"

He grimaced. "Why not?"

"It's so over played."

He rolled his eyes in the dim dark. "You would hate it just because it made the top 100 or something."

"Wrong assumption." I accused. "I never knew that nor will I ever. Renee took away my phone and laptop after grounded me because I was out with you not that she knows that nor will she ever but now she has some suspicion as to why it looks like I shit my pants in my bed and it's all because I'm a fucking klutz who just had to agree to go out with a green eyed emerald jaded boy to a meadow in a forest which I have no recall of really and we just had to play in the mud and make me sit on your lap and make me confess the whole Angela thing to you all because your so...there are no words to describe you Edward Cullen yet I find it so hard to cope with you yet that's all I want to do and think I'll ever want to do and though I may never be able to see the day of light after this night...that rhymes...just saying but as I was saying...even though after this night I'll probably never be able to get out of my house again and be home schooled by a bunch of idiots with wrinkly chins and flab that sags lower than Lauren and Tanya...curse my jealous stubborn ass....all because I am suddenly...happy." I vented.

He looked at me skeptically and then smiled. "Jealous?"

"I'm not denying it."

"Green eyed emerald jaded boy?"

"That's what I've been calling you as of seven days in my head. I'm not denying it."

"There are no words to describe me?"

"It's a good thing." I assured him. "I am not denying it."

"All you want to do is cope with me....?"

"Yet that's all I want to do because I love spending time with you. I'm not denying it!"

"You're happy?"

"Because of you." I admitted.

I raised my soft pale hand to his cheek and smiled beams shining invisibly through all my senses. "You made me happy again and that's something I will always cherish and I couldn't imagine my life being awful like it was before if you hadn't showed up. I'm not denying it, nor will I ever."

"All thanks to Ms. Cope." He chuckled.

I nodded in agreement. "All thanks to Ms. Cope."

_**LONGEST CHAPTER OF MY STORY SO FAR!!!**_

_**I hope you like it cuz i doooo.**_

_**Bella's sense of humor cracks me up...wow I'm vain... :S**_

_**anyways read and review because that would mean so much to me !!!**_

_**xoxoxo**_

_**loving you**_

_**NikCul  
**_


	15. Chapter 15

_**Hiya!!! Okay - here's the next chapter!!**_

_**Enjoy!**_

Chapter 15

After the dreaded, kinda, slow dancing, Edward, Jasper, Emmett, Alice, Rosalie and I shared a table while we ate our dinner consisting of pasta, fries, chicken fingers, and Caesar salad. What are we, four?

"So Bella," Emmett began, "what have you been doing lately?"

"Umm...chilling? I'm not entirely sure Em. How about you?"

He shrugged. "Beats me."

I laughed. "How about you Jazz?"

"Same old same old." He mumbled.

"Wow. Thorough." I joked.

After dinner everyone digested for what seems to be two seconds before headed back to the dance floor and jumping around like wild Indians. Lovely. Well, everyone except for me and Edward.

"So are you having fun?" He asked, scooting his chair in front of mine beside the table.

I shrugged. "Meh." I stated and he laughed. "So I was thinking...I hate the colour of my room."

"Okay...and?"

"I want to paint over it with white then splat random colours on, you know? Something to brighten up my dull, depressed days when your not around and I want you to help me mister artsy fartsy!"

"You know what, just because I can play a few instruments and sing does not mean you call call me creative gas."

"Creative gas?" I snorted.

"Yeah. When you're artsy it means you are unique and creative and a fart is a type of gas."

I laughed. "Okay then but I still want you to help me. Renee'll be our of town this weekend and I'll run it by Charlie. He won't give a shit. We're all kinda relieved when she goes on her mini vacations."

"Okay so then tomorrow we'll cover everything in your room with ragged sheets, buy white paint and other colours you want to splatter your room with, Saturday we'll paint all the walls white and Sunday we'll splatter the colours. Sound good?"

"See you are an artsy fartsy person. In what dimension would I have known to do that?"

"It doesn't matter the dimension. You really just wouldn't be able to do it."

"Gee, thanks for the support."

"Anytime." He chuckled, grabbing my right hand in his.

I looked down at the connected hands and made what I could from them. I cared, he cared, I and I'm completely truthful when I say I like him and I think Edward likes me back but I can't comprehend the literature towards that statement. Why would he like someone like me? A boring, still kind of depressed teenager with mommy issues and a hunched over backbone when it should be perfectly straight. I'm week and can't defend myself when he's all a girl would ever want in a guy. Older, charming, smart, musically gifted, majors in sciences and not to mention gorgeous. I only wish he was my green eyed emerald jaded boy rather than everyone else. Somehow, I don't seem to measure up. That bar is still too high.

"What are you thinking?" He asked.

"I'll tell you later. Right now I just wanna enjoy myself. I am gunna go dance."

"You're going to dance?"

"I like this song."

"This is the Spice Girls."

"And I know every word." I smiled and ran off to find Rose and Alice.

I ran to them and grabbed their hands and we moved to an open area where we all jumped up and down and the three of us knew every world.

"Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,  
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,  
I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,  
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,  
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really  
really really wanna zigazig ah.

If you want my future forget my past,  
If you wanna get with me better make it fast,  
Now don't go wasting my precious time,  
Get your act together we could be just fine

I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,  
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,  
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really  
really really wanna zigazig ah.

If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends,  
Make it last forever friendship never ends,  
If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give,  
Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is.

What do you think about that now you know how I feel,  
Say you can handle my love are you for real,  
I won't be hasty, I'll give you a try  
If you really bug me then I'll say goodbye.

Yo I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,  
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,  
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really  
really really wanna zigazig ha.

If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends,  
Make it last forever friendship never ends,  
If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give,  
Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is."

So me, Alice and Rose knew all those words from childhood memories but they never knew that bridge and I still know it so this day.

Here we go...

"So here's a story from A to Z, you wanna get with me  
you gotta listen carefully,  
We got Em in the place who likes it in your face,  
we got G like MC who likes it on an  
Easy V doesn't come for free, she's a real lady,  
and as for me you'll see,  
Slam your body down and wind it all around  
Slam your body down and wind it all around."

Alice, Rosalie, Jasper, Emmett and Edward stood in awe as I jumped around and sang along so the Spice Girls for the first time in ever screaming louder than I ever thought I could!

"If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends,  
Make it last forever friendship never ends,  
If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give,  
Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is.

If you wanna be my lover, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta,  
you gotta, you gotta, slam, slam, slam, slam  
Slam your body down and wind it all around.  
Slam your body down and wind it all around.  
Slam your body down and wind it all around.  
Slam your body down zigazig ah  
If you wanna be my lover."

We finished by hugging each other after they joined in for the rest and Edward's jaw was dropped all the way to the ground as I ran toward him with a smile on my face.

"Who the fuck was that?" He asked, bewildered.

"That, my friend, was the old Bella Swan. The free willing one."

"Holy fucking shit I like that Bella."

"Thought you would." I chuckled and looked down at my feet again.

"Well, hi." He smiled.

I bit my lip. "Hi." I whispered over the new song playing the background.

"That was..."

"Sorry." I frowned.

"DON'T BE!" He laughed. "I love seeing you all giddy and happy."

"Thanks." I smiled, looking into those always sincere eyes.

After talking a break and sitting down and eating the dessert they served, It was Edward's turn to go up and play the piano before the night ended. By the way, EW doesn't even cover the ice-cream they had. Gag much?

He ran up to the stage and sat down on the piano bench and I could see his long pale fingers scan the ivory softly before he opened up with the first few cords. Everyone was cheering him on, exited for what he would play. I'm sure they've all heard him play before, but for me, this was a first.

He began to play a familiar song, a song of happiness and trust and kind of ironic actually but it was so true. I _could _lean on him.

"Sometimes in our lives we all have pain  
We all have sorrow  
But if we are wise  
We know that there's always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you're not strong  
And I'll be your friend  
I'll help you carry on  
For it won't be long  
'Til I'm gonna need  
Somebody to lean on

Please swallow your pride  
If I have things you need to borrow  
For no one can fill those of your needs  
That you don't let show

Lean on me, when you're not strong  
And I'll be your friend  
I'll help you carry on  
For it won't be long  
'Til I'm gonna need  
Somebody to lean on

If there is a load you have to bear  
That you can't carry  
I'm right up the road  
I'll share your load  
If you just call me

So just call on me brother, when you need a hand  
We all need somebody to lean on  
I just might have a problem that you'd understand  
We all need somebody to lean on

Lean on me when you're not strong  
And I'll be your friend  
I'll help you carry on  
For it won't be long  
Till I'm gonna need  
Somebody to lean on

Lean on me..."

_**Okay...I know it was kinda cheesy to put in Wannabe but I love that song so fucking much!!! Sorry!!!!**_

_**Oh and Lean On Me but it's sooooo true!! She can lean on him...just saying.  
**_

_**And guys I just wanna say in chapter 2 (the chapter where he first tutored her) I said 9x + 3x = 11x umm....THAT'S WRONG!!! Thank you Alec...sorry!!! Just pretend it's right...**_

_**anyways, hope you liked it!!!**_

_**xoxoxo**_

_**loving you**_

_**NikCul  
**_


	16. Chapter 16

_**hiya my amazing readers!!!**_

_**okay so here is the next chapter...**_

_**enjoy...  
**_

Chapter 16

After Semi-Formal, Edward drove me home and hugged me goodbye telling me he needs a good night sleep and so do I adding that he'd be at my house tomorrow at 10:30 to go paint shopping and sheet shopping.

I walked into my house and saw my dad sitting on the couch watching the football game, tears running down his eyes.

I tried to glance over to see if those were real tears or just my imagination and it turned out they were real.

I rushed over to my father and pulled him into a tight hug. "Dad? What's wrong?" I asked.

He began to sob even louder and I knew this couldn't be good. My dad rarely cried and seeing him like this sent shivers down my spine.

"Get ready for bed and I'll be there in a minute."

Charlie was coming to tuck me in. That hasn't happened since Angela died and he tried to help me recover back then.

What the fuck was going on?

I changed into my pajamas and took my makeup off and crawled into bed waiting for his arrival.

He stalked in, red eyed and groggy and crawled into my bed next to me.

"Dad?" I asked. "What happened?"

"Bella, there was a place crash."

"How so?"

"She's gone."

"Who is gone?" I growled. I knew the answer but wanted to hear it for myself. I could feel the tears piercing out my eyes.

"Renee, Bella. You're mother is gone." He sobbed.

I couldn't help but let the tears spill over. Sure my mom and I had our differences and she could be quite a bitch at time but she gave me birth and I loved her and so did Charlie and now she was gone. Forever.

I stuck my head into his collarbone and sobbed into it the whole night with my father's arm wrapped securely around me. I needed him the most now and he needed me just as much.

It's Karma - the biggest bitch of all. If I hadn't snuck out, if I had told my mom the real truth as to what was happening, if I had told her I loved her and cherished her everyday this would have never happened. She would want to be with me more and never need a reason to leave this house.

Now she was gone yet her scent still lingered in the air above me, her clothes still hung still in the closet and her touch remained like a stubby spot on each item. Her DNA was in this house and in her bed. She used my hairbrush once and her hair will remain on it forever yet despite the fact that she's gone, she still remains in this house like she never left. Her bad cooking is still in my stomach and tickles my taste buds like it was yesterday I ate it, her stack of papers that she needs to grade will remain unfinished and she will forever remain in my heart but can that be enough?

It's like four months ago all over again but now it's worse because I recovered recently and now, I'm back to Monotone Mute Bella

Suck on that world.

xxxxxxxxxx

I woke up, still in my father's arms, tired and hurt remembering previous night clearly. How could it go from being amazing to horrifically awful just like that?

My dad began to stir and when he awoke, he stomped out of my room to his room and back into the bed and that was when I heard a familiar tap on my window.

_Tap, tap, tap._

A rock._  
_

I turned over to see the time and it read 10:41.

I got out of bed and ran over to the window and opened it up where I saw Edward's familiar face through my puffy eyes and it didn't go unnoticed to him.

He climbed up easily and hopped through my window embracing me in a hug. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

Okay, I have two options here. One, I could kick Edward out of my house and never talk to him again because if he hadn't made me recover in the first place this wouldn't hurt so much or two, I could let him help me find bliss again and become myself and to be honest, I loved that.

Angela is dead, Renee is dead. They may be no more, for which, I may love again. I choose two. They are gone but I want to love again, I need to love again and I will love again because it hasn't stopped me the moment I stepped foot onto this earth and now my heart longed for Edward and if I kicked him out now, how was I ever supposed to recover?

I opened my mouth to speak and it was that same familiar monotone voice. "My mom died last night. Her plane crashed."

He pulled me away to see if I was being serious and then I began to cry. Saying it aloud hurt more than I thought it would. "I'm so sorry." He said, pulling me back into a hug.

"I don't know what to do Edward! I feel like the world is out to get me! I recover and they sentence death to me! Soon there will be no one left to kill and I'm going to die alone! Please help me!" I begged into his chest.

He pushed me back and put his hands up to my face, wiping away the thick salty tears with his large thumbs. "I will if it's the last thing I do. You don't deserve this."

Something wanted to tell me to tell him that he should stay away and I didn't deny it because I was falling for this amazing guy and that worries me.

"I'm scared." I confessed.

"About what?" What are you scared of Bella?"

"That next it's going to be you."

_**darn darn darn. Why can't I write a long chapter?? I'll work on it but for this I just wanted to get straight to the point.**_

_**btw...sorry bella...hope you can recover after that**_

_**:S**_

_**xoxoxoxxoo**_

_**loving you**_

_**NikCul  
**_


	17. Chapter 17

_**Sorry it's been a while but here...**_

Chapter 17

"Please say something." He begged.

We hadn't spoken since I agreed to go to Home Depot with him for paints so here we were, at the cash register with out four buckets of white paint and other various colours.

"What is there to say Edward? My best friend who was also my tutor is dead, my mother is dead, my dad is unhappy, I'm unhappy, life was going great and now it sucks, next will be you? What would you like to here?" The look the cashier gave me did not go unnoticed. Was this simply a sign of sympathy or to make fun?

"Stop that." He demanded, grabbing the now paid for paints in both hands as we walked out of the store.

"Stop what?"

"Stop saying that shit. I'm gunna be here as long as you want me here." He said while opening the trunk and putting the paint inside, not making eye contact with me.

"I'll always want you." I blushed. "I'm just afraid it's not enough. That I'm not enough and everyone just want to call me out on it."

He closed the truck with a little too much force and turned to face me putting his hands on both sides of my cheeks and pulling me closer to him. "You are enough Bella."

I looked up into those sincere jades filled with secrets and somehow I couldn't see through the lies. "How do you know?" I asked.

"Because I do."

"Edward. You are next and I know that!"

"Stop fucking jinxing it! I don't need you telling me I'm gunna die every five seconds!" He said, putting his arms to his side and off my face.

"But that is what I believe!" I yelled.

"Why?"

"Because!"

"You're so full of shit."

"Excuse me?"

"You don't even care."

"Care about what?"

"About everything. I try to help Bella Swan the heart broken piece of shit" I swore my jaw just dropped "and all I get in return is 'you're gunna die if you love me. You're gunna die.' That is so absurd and completely fucked up on so many levels. I don't understand why you can see pass the hair in your face, passed the tears and the lack of sun that I am not going anywhere!"

I stared at him, bewildered, stunned. "'Piece of shit?'" I quoted.

"Bella, I didn't mean it like that..."

"But that's exactly what you meant! You know what? I bet you have secrets too. Trying to come off as this happy go lucky guy with no problems and as optimistic as ever well let me ask you something. Why'd you even bother to help? Think you'll fix me, put me in a hot bra then get with me? Is that what's going on in that fucked up head of yours? Number three!? Am I just the third one? First there is the girl who moved to Australia then the other so called 'piece of shit' and I'm just the next fucking psychotic girl you're trying to fix up just for your stupid enjoyment and g-d knows you don't really care! The only reason you probably agreed to wake up at four in the morning for me is just because eventually, while my dad is alone sleeping in the bed because my mom is dead, you'll rape me and I'll never want to talk again you fucking jerk! Take me home!" I yelled at him.

He stomped over to the passenger door and opened it up then stomped to the drivers seat and jerked himself into the car.

I stalked over to the passenger seat and carefully got into it, keeping my distance from him.

He drove quickly to my house in silence and when we arrived the car jerked to a stop and I had to take a moment to restart my heart.

"Bella..." He whispered reaching over to touch my shoulder but I pulled away.

"Don't fucking touch me Edward Cullen or I swear to g-d I'll get my father to prosecute you right here."

"I wasn't gunna hurt you!" He surrendered.

"Too late." I contradicted.

"What the fuck Bella? Really? Don't you know me at all? It really is no wonder why Angela and Renee died. That was there only escape from you!" He yelled at me and I fought back the tears I desperately wanted to let out.

Being emotionless would have been so much easier. This is what I try to avoid.

I ran out of the car as fast as I could not even bothering with the paint. What was the point?

I opened my door with effort when the tears came and ran into my fathers arms in the main room.

"Bells?" He asked. "What's wrong?"

"Dad, do you believe that I was the cause of Angela and Mom?" I asked hesitantly.

"Bells...no. G-d no. Why do you think that?"

I looked up into his familiar eyes and shook my head and cried into his old chest. "It's a long story dad."

He pushed my hair out of my face and smiled at me. "I have plenty of time. You up for some ice-cream?"

I returned the smile and nodded my head. "Nothing would make me happier."

_**I am sorry it's short but like...to the point is where I must go!**_

_**The next chapter will be much longer!**_

_**So how are you guys liking it? I'd really like to know. Please inbox me!!! I will reply like asap!!!**_

_**Your comments and stuff means everything to me and I want to make this story as best as it could be.**_

_**Thanks to all my reviewers and people who reply to my inboxes. You know who you are and it means everything to me.**_

_**loving you**_

_**xoxoxo**_

_**NikCul  
**_


	18. Chapter 18

_**here ya areeeeee**_

Chapter 18

"Gold Metal Ribbon please." I smiled at the person taking my order.

"Vanilla." Charlie mumbled.

We paid at the Baskin Robbins cashier and then sat down in a secluded...well secluded enough even though the whole parlor was empty...we sat down in a corner to talk.

"So start from the beginning." He stated.

"Do you remember Edward Cullen?" I asked softly.

"Umm...the...helper?"

"Tutor." I smiled, finally gaining enough confidence to say the word to someone other than Edward.

"Umm...Bella did you just say-"

"Let me explain." I interrupted with a smirk.

"Alright." He murmured.

"Well...he tutored me...behind your and mom's back while I stole money from your wallet." I chuckled.

He gave me a strange look. "That was you?" He smiled.

"Always was, always is and always will be." I laughed.

"Go on..." He grinned.

"Well he tutored me and we became good friends. He made me talk about Angela and made me overcome what I'd been keeping inside all bottled up. He made me happy and made me recover. He would come over every night around four and tutor me. We'd study or just talk. It was fun and reassuring like there was hope left in me after all. Then one day he told me I needed a life and by that he meant I needed fresh air so he took me to this meadow. It was all pure and enclosed yet full of space and I loved it. We went there every night until Thursday when we went to Semi. I mean in what world would I have gone to Semi?! Me! You're daughter! But he changed that but then it all turned out to be a lie."

"A lie..."

"He just wanted to fix me to....kiss me." Well what was I supposed to tell an over protective dad?

"Bells...I may be old but that doesn't mean I wasn't your age once."

"Fine. He was trying to fuck me. You happy?"

He grimaced. "Language."

"Sorry." I mumbled.

"And you know this for a fact?"

"I'm guessing..."

"Bells..."

"We got in a fight. I accused him for not caring, he told me I was a piece of shit, I told him he was a lying jack ass, he said that mom and Angela died on my behalf and I'm not entirely sure what to believe."

"How'd it start?"

"I always kept telling him that I was scared he's next."

"As in...dead?"

"Yeah and then he yelled at me for always saying that."

"Why'd you always say that?"

"Because I care for him and I don't want to see him go."

"So you find it's best to push him away?"

"What do you mean?"

"Bells...I know this is probably as awkward as it is for you as it is for me but think about it. You like the guy but you don't want him to die to you push him away without knowing 'what if'."

"So what you're saying is..."

"Is that he isn't a lying man whore and only said what he said because he was pissed at you telling him he is gunna die."

"Man whore, dad? Really?"

He rolled his eyes and chuckled. "I _was_ a kid once."

"And now you're my dad so lay back on the teen language....and I love you but I do have one question."

"Yeah?" He mumbled.

"Mom had parent teacher interviews that night. Why was she on a plain?"

"Bells...she wasn't gunna come back."

"What do you mean?"

"She quit her job, lied to us both and took a flight right to Phoenix but it crashed on the way there."

"How do you know?"

"I called the school to tell the board she passed away and they need a new teacher but they told me she quit then it also dawned on me that her flight didn't leave until Friday evening so I checked in with that, spoke to friends and stuff and they all told me she wasn't happy and needed to leave Forks."

"Without a goodbye." I assumed.

"I love Renee, don't get me wrong but things happen for a reason, right?"

I nodded my head. "I love her too I just wish life wasn't like this."

"Why don't you make the best of it? Get a good night's sleep or wake up at four and see where life takes you tomorrow."

I got up and walked over to crouch next to my dad's chair. "I love you, dad."

"I love you too Bella."

We finished our ice-cream and drove home and I made some pasta for both of us later that evening, cleaned the dishes and then loaded the dishwasher running up to my room.

I took a warm shower, longer than necessary and changed into a big T-shirt and pajama pants before bed.

I walked to my dad's room to kiss him goodnight then went back to my room and fell asleep.

I woke up at three thirty, slept in until four and that was when I heard it.

_Tap_

_Tap_

_Tap_

_**Okay so I kinda lied, the NEXT chapter will be longer. It's just I like to get to the point but I promise it'll be longer.**_

_**Sorry if my story is kinda slow but soon - I promise SHIT WILL HAPPEN!!!**_

_**xoxoxo**_

_**loving you**_

_**NikCul  
**_


	19. Chapter 19

_**Today is my bday so be nice!**_

Chapter 19

I tossed the covers off my bed and slowly stalked off to the window and opened it and there stood Edward Cullen at the bottom of my house, in the light mist.

"Can I come up?" He asked politely.

I didn't say anything. I just nodded my head and he climbed the vines and was up in no time.

He swiftly walked into my room but kept his distance from me.

"Bella...don't interrupt, just hear me out."

I motioned for him to continue.

"I am _so _sorry." It sounded real. "I really do care for you and you are enough I just don't want you to feel that you're not and every time you say that you think I'm next-"

"It's like telling you to go die." I finished for him.

"Yeah. And I didn't like that because I want to have confidence in myself. I want to know that I _can_ be here for you and not have us both worrying that it won't happen."

"Edward, I am sorry too." I whispered, taking a step closer to him. "I was trying to push you away and I didn't know that until I talked to Charlie. He cleared my head. I told him everything from the moment you stepped foot into my life and he understood and he made me understand that me thinking you were next was only a way to push you away and not believe it when really I want you here but I'm afraid that you won't stay. Not that you don't want to but that you can't and that worries me because I like you. Like I _really _like you." I blushed, taking a step closer. "I'm scared I'll like you too much and you'll be gone in the blink of an eye."

This time he walked towards me cupping my left cheek lightly. "I'm not going anywhere. I'll be extra safe too just for you." He smirked.

"Do you really mean what you said though?"

"Bella, you are not a piece of shit." He smirked. "You're far from it."

Cue the blush...again. "You know Renee ran away. She wasn't going to come back. Just leave us and I still love her but I'm not as sad as I would've been. She ran away for the better. Things happen for a reason and her leaving intentionally just makes the recovery much easier. Is that a bad thing to say?"

He brushed his pale hand against my face. "No. It's not."

I smiled wide and bit my lip, afraid and terrified with a sprinkle of excitement then I laughed a little too loud.

"What's so funny?" He asked over the laugh.

"Nothing. It just feels so good to laugh and I want to do it, that's all."

"Now that, right there is Bella Swan." He smiled, walking up close to me and pulling me in to him.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and stood up on my tippie toes just to reach-

"What's with all the laughing in here?" Then barged in Charlie.

"Shit." I mumbled walking forwards, tripping over my feet, bumping in to Edward who fell flat on the ground with me landing on top of him. Our faces millimeters away.

"Hi dad." I murmured, my face bright red. It's every girls dream for their single, over protective dad to interrupt their almost first kiss. Whoop-dee-do.

"Bella. Get up." He demanded walking over to Edward and I.

I got up before he could pull out the gun and walked over to him.

"I see you've made up." He observed.

"We just talked dad, don't worry."

"Do you guys always talk with his hand on your-"

"Dad." I jerked. "Shhh... This is why I hate telling you things."

"Bella...just promise me you're being safe."

"I'm being safe, I promise dad." It was true and he knew that but I still needed to tell him.

"Fine. I'm gunna go for a drive down to the station now. The camera's are on."

"Dad, we don't have-"

"Just pretend we do!" He chuckled.

I laughed with him and hugged him goodbye then walked over to Edward. "You can get up now, he's gone."

He stood up slowly and embraced me with a hug and a huge grin. "So what now?"

"Well...it's still Friday and technically it's still the 'Bella needs to get a life' week."

"Come on." He smiled swiftly, taking my hand in his and leading me outside the window, across my field and into our meadow.

We walked deeper into the meadow until we found a dry spot where I sat close, extremely close to him but across from him.

"So tomorrow are we still on for painting your room?" He confirmed.

"Definitely."

"Bella, are you fully recovered?" He asked quietly.

"No and nor will I ever be because my mom left me. I never had a say in it. Never got to say goodbye but you know what, I'm okay with that because a wise jack ass once told me that things happen for a reason. I always knew it but he made me believe it."

"Wow. This must be some douche." He chuckled.

"Yeah but I was kind of hoping he's my douche." I admitted.

"I'm pretty sure he is."

"For now..." I contradicted.

"No." He disagreed. "For forever."

I looked up into those eyes and I knew right then and there that I was in love with Edward Cullen. Irrational, isn't it?

**_Okay so here is it. I am trying to get longer chapters but I don't want to put things in there that aren't necessary!_**

**_loving you_**

**_xoxoxo_**

**_NikCul  
_**


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

There we sat, all by ourselves in our meadow, loud silence surrounding us gently and naturally being followed by every whoosh and tackle of the branches fighting together.

"Edward..." I whispered closing my eyes.

"Bella..." He mimicked with a soft laugh.

"You know my dad can't barge in on us right now, right?"

I imagined him smiling and nodding. "Yes. I know that." He whispered with that smile.

"You know if you kiss me, you can't get rid of me." I hinted.

"I don't want to." He confessed as I blushed lightly.

I flickered my eyes a few times before I leaned over to him.

He gently brushed my brown locks back and held my cheek gently pulling it towards him. I perched my self up on my knees lightly and wrapped my arms around his strong neck until my elbows were resting on his shoulders and my hands could play up through the bronze hair that also held my interest for so long.

His wrapped his free arm around my waste, pulling me closer so that our chests were touching. I'm not denying the fact that I fucking loved the close proximity.

I looked him in the eyes one last time before closing them. Then Edward Anthony Cullen pressed his soft, smooth, tender lips to my chapped red ones.

It was sweet, innocent. Nothing more than just a peck yet it meant so much more and all I could think was what more I wanted.

Though this was nice and it made me love him even more I couldn't help but wonder what more there is considering the fact he's probably being nice though he wants more. I know he wants more.

As do I.

Our lips began to move in harmony with one another and I didn't realize my head was tilted to the left until I moved my hands slowly with rapidness at the back of his head.

Edward was pulling on my waste making me lean onto him more then his back pressed against the cool, dewy, healthy grass with me, of course, on top of him.

I switched the angle of our faces which consisted of many soft innocent pecks and turned my body so I was now on the grass with him hovering over me.

His hands slid up my sides slowly while my slid down his broad chest and then things became to get more fierce and intense quicker.

As his hands moved up and down my sides and to my thighs pulling our bodies closer and intertwining our legs, I began to peer my mouth open discretely with his mouth eagerly accepting the gesture.

So here I was, in love with Edward Cullen, in a meadow making out.

Could life get any fucking better?

His hands quickly moved from my thighs to the hem of my shirt and I could feel him playing with the ends of it, debating, then his cold hands, from the outside weather, slid under my shirt.

I shivered a bit from the warm to cold skin contact but didn't contradict it in any way.

From his chest, I moved my hands back up to his hair pulling his face closer to mine, if that was possible.

From our sealed lips, I parted them for a second to take a breath which turned into a wild gasp in not realizing I had to really breath considering I was extremely occupied with something else.

He chuckled at my gasp and I smiled back at him then naturally pressed my lips to his again for the second time with a fierce kiss and skipping all the innocent pecks.

Feeling his lips against mine has made me have to think. What if I get to attached and he's gone forever or what if he doesn't feel the same but then I blocked all the 'what ifs' and dealt with the present because I don't want to let this 'experience' pass me by. This is a happy moment and if I keep contradicting them thinking that they are just there to tease me then I'll only have the bad memories in my life time and I'll be unhappy and I certainly don't want that.

Edward was here to help me recover and that is what I'm going to do. I am going to recover no matter what obstacles will be thrown at me. I love Edward and I need to embrace and lace my life like he'd once said and that is what I am going to do.

Not for my mom because she left me and now we all have to pay the price.

Not for Charlie although I love him with all my heart.

Not for Alice or Rose even though they are my best friends and I will always love them.

Not for Jasper or Emmett, even though we've been good friend's since childhood.

Not for all those people out there who have supported me through the hard times.

Fuck Tanya and Lauren, they're out of the picture.

Not for Edward even though I love him.

Not for me even though I need to prove something to myself.

But for Angela.

My tutor.

My inspiration.

Who makes me aspire.

Who found Edward for me.

Who is worth fighting for.

Who I love.

My best friend.

_**There. Done the kiss scene. Sorry it took so long...**_

_**ilyyyyy222222**_

_**xoxoxo**_

_**loving you**_

_**NikCul  
**_


	21. Chapter 21

_**Hey, sorry to leave you hanging with the kiss thingy btw the word juxtapose is used in this chapter and if you don't know what that means, it's like opposites :D**_

Chapter 21

We walked back to my house around 5:30 am and I unlocked the front door with the key under the eve rather than going through the window considering my dad wasn't home.

Before I opened it I turned around to face Edward. "Bye Edward." I smiled.

He leaned in to give me once last peck on the lips before grinning and walking back to his car that was parked, like always, on the road.

I opened my door fully and closed it, locked it then turned around with my back against the door, smiling, eyes closed and happy.

I skipped, okay...well kinda skipped up to my room and opened the door softly and closed it behind me when there was a tap on my window.

I walked over to it and saw Edward standing there; smiling.

I rolled my eyes and gestured for him to come up.

I could see the sun beginning to rise in the east, I could hear a faint chirping of the birds and there was a soft breeze blowing on the grass. The next day was going to be a nice day. I was counting on it.

He climbed up and I smirked at him, shaking my head. "Should've seen this coming." I joked.

"Come on Bella..." He smiled taking my hand. "Let me tuck you in."

I laughed. "What might that entail?"

He pulled me toward the bed and sat down on the edge of it pulling me onto his lap. "Whatever you want it to." He grinned.

"Well if it was up to me I'd at least like to see your face. Staring at a bathroom isn't doing me much good."

I felt and heard him chuckle and then he pulled me off him, tossing me on my bed with my face facing his. "I think you should just stay here all night." I smiled.

"Mmm...I'd like that."

"That way you wouldn't have to drive back in the morning when we paint my room white and do whatever we need to do."

"Is that so? Or is it because you desperately want me in this bed all night because I don't know if I should stay..."

He sounded uneasy. "What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well...there are rumors going around, Miss Swan that you shit in this bed!" He joked and my face grew happier...then I slapped his arm lightly. "What was that for?" He asked, confused.

"You had me worried! I thought you really didn't want to stay."

He shook his head and brought his face closer to mine. "Why would you think that?"

"I'm not exactly sure... You must be a very good actor."

"Oh...you'd be surprised." He laughed.

"So I have a question."

"Another one?" He chuckled.

I grimaced. "Let me continue." He was silent. "Well...what the fuck are we?"

He laughed at my informality. "Well..." He thought, taking his right hand and pushing the hair our of my face and tucking it behind my ear. "I'd like for you to be my girlfriend..."

I swear my face lit up.

"But I don't want to impose..."

"Edward." I began, "when have you ever debated about imposing?" I laughed.

"No I don't mean it like that I just don't want you to think we're moving too fast and what about other people? They'll have assumptions and thoughts that I don't want them to be having because I don't want people thinking of you that way Bella and I just thought that you may have felt the same way but I am not trying to-"

"Screw the other people." I interrupted. "This is strictly you and me and that's all it'll ever be, okay?"

He nodded his head. "Okay." And then he gave me a small peck on the lips before crawling next to me and cuddling me into his chest. I fell asleep in mere minutes, drifting into heaven.

xxxxxxxxxxx

When I woke up the next morning I was afraid to look into a mirror. Afraid of what the hell I might look like. Afraid of what Edward might think. Oh g-d help me now!

I pulled the covers over my head but it didn't escape the notice of a certain someone already awake next to me, perched up on his elbow with his hand on his cheek, leaning on my pillow.

"How was your sleep?" He asked, trying to pull the covers off my head.

"Amazing." I smiled underneath the bed sheets, breathing with a thick breath in the enclosed space.

He was still tugging on them but I refused for him to let me see me like this.

"Bella...take those covers off your g-d damn face."

"No." I stated harshly.

"Why not?"

"Because I look bad." I said with simplicity.

"You never look bad."

"Stop trying to dazzle me with your charm. It won't work you g-d damn hooker!" I joked.

"Hooker eh? Hmm..."

"Edward!" I exclaimed. "Don't become a hooker!" I then laughed.

"Wasn't gunna." He chuckled an edgy laugh.

"Now turn around while I go take a shower and don't look at me!"

"Fine." He agreed.

I slowly pulled the covers off my eyes to look at his and noticed they were actually closed and skipped out of bed to the washroom.

I took a short hot shower and when I got out, I dried my hair then put it up into a messy bun after brushing my teeth and hair.

"Are you eyes still closed?" I called through the bathroom door into the bedroom.

"Yes."

"Good because I'm walking out and you better keep them shut."

"Fine." He agreed again.

With the towel still around my body, I stalked over to my closet and put on a pair of old warn out jeans and a baggy, rugged, cut collared top and went to change in the bathroom.

After I changed, I opened the door and looked at his closed eyed figure and smiled. "I'm decent."

He fluttered them open and then he looked at me and grinned. "Ready to paint?"

"Sure! By the way, if you want there's a spare toothbrush on the counter."

"Okay. Thanks." He beamed walking past me and into the washroom where I heard him turn on the sink and the soft roughness of his teeth against the brush. Then spit. Lovely.

He walked out, his bed head hair even messier and his teeth sparkling as he smiled at me and embraced me in a hug. "Hello beautiful."

"Barely." I frowned.

He grimaced. "If I'm not mistaken, Bella does mean beautiful, doesn't it?"

"Yes. My name and myself are like an juxtapose." I explained.

"You are so odd and that's why I like you."

"Good." I giggled. "What now?"

"Well, let's get some old sheets, cover the floor and furniture and then we'll paint the walls. You don't have the board at the bottom which is usually white so we only have to put tape along the ceiling and carpets."

"English? What tape?"

"You'll see."

We grabbed a bunch of old sheets and covered everything which took about forty five minutes and then we did the tape. It was simple. You just put it and the edge of the carpet and ceilings so paint wouldn't go on the floor or ceilings.

That all took about two hours and then we grabbed the white paint from his car, two buckets for now and opened them. While I grabbed some paint brushes from the office in my house, he got the ladder in my garage and brought it up to my room.

"We'll have to do two or three coats. It's black." He chuckled.

"Yeah, sorry about that." I laughed.

We took the rollers and started painting over the black slowly and I'll tell you it wasn't easy. It took so much fucking elbow work and my hands were gripped so tight that I couldn't feel my fingers.

Edward was much more efficient than I was, finishing wall after wall after wall while I was still on the same patch from the beginning. The fumes were making me dizzy but I just shut it out, ignoring it like I would have a long time ago and now it comes in handy.

After about three more hours, kill me, we were done the bottom half of my room and now we just had to get the top half.

Edward walked over to me with the ladder. "Just go on top of the ladder and paint."

"How come you don't do it? You're better."

"Because you're lighter." He said.

I rolled my eyes. "Fine."

I held the new full bucket of white paint in my hands and climbed up the later slowly while Edward hold the bottom tightly. I held it in my left arm while I painted with the other slowly and as hard as I could.

"You aren't pressing hard enough." He said.

"You try painting over black with white paint while balancing on a ladder holding paint in one hand and a roller in the other." I told him.

"It's not that hard." He contradicted.

"Shut up." I demanded.

"Would you just finish it please before someone gets hurt."

I turned my torso to look at him. "How would someone get hurt?" I asked.

"Well if I step away from the ladder..." He said and when his hands left the metal, I could feel it shake underneath me.

"Edward! That's not funny! But your hands back right now!" I yelled and with ever word I spoke the shaking increased just like my booming voice.

"Make me."

"Really? What. Are we five years old now?" I grimaced. "Come here!" I shouted at him, with a gesturing hand which may not have been the best idea because it unbalanced my weight and instead of the ladder just shaking, it tipped over fully and I fell along with the bucket of white paint. I heard the ladder fall to the ground before I fell and bumped into Edward who I pushed to the ground and landed on him, both of us covered in a bucket of white paint and both of us laughing.

"I told you someone would hurt themselves."

"I didn't actually hurt myself and besides, I wouldn't call lying on top of my boyfriend...?"

"I guess we never really did finish that conversation." He smiled through the paint on his face,

"Well, I'd be delighted to be your girlfriend and I wouldn't call lying on your painful." I grinned through the paint covering my face as well.

I took my hands and wiped both of his cheeks with my hands and then his eyes, then his lips then he did the same to me. I leaned into his pale from the paint lips and kissed him faintly over them before our mouths lingered together with our secreted lips.

Once we parted I smiled at looked at him. "Edward..."

"Bella..."

"I love...." I couldn't say it. Not yet. I'd only known him for a little over a week and he couldn't possibly feel the same way. It's absurd that he would. What do I do now? He was waiting for an explanation but then he spoke.

"I love you too." He smiled, finishing my thoughts with his own.

I was bewildered, stunned actually that he'd say those simple words to me yet they meant to much and held so much meaning.

"I do." He added.

"I love you too...too." I finally said and bent over to kiss him again with love and lust rather than just one.

But my love always ends up in shambles and that, I can't ignore.

_**There. Okay, so were moving a bit faster but do you think they are moving too fast now? Please review and answer the question because I want to know! Thanks!**_


	22. Chapter 22

_**Hey - sorry this took so long**_

_**btw...reviewers are life!  
**_

Chapter 22

"You finish it. I'm so tired, Edward." I whined, slumping down onto my bed, which was momentarily covered in old white sheets for painting purposes, in my wet, painted on clothes.

"It's _your _room." He laughed.

"But you're at painting than I am." I explained.

He walked over to me and sat on the edge of the bed, like always. "Stop being so annoying."

I smirked. "You know...if you finish it, I'll give you a reward."

"What kind of reward?" He asked suddenly eager.

"Something that involves my lips, a bed and wet paint but nope because you're too stubborn to finish it." I joked.

"You are a cruel girlfriend!" He smiled, leaning over and kissed me on my lips.

I instantly responded by kissing him back, my lips boiling with passion as my hands wrapped into his hair and his around my waste and than I instantly regretted it.

I pulled back. "Edward, you're not being fair. You have to finish your work before the deal happens."

"Screw the deal." He chuckled reconnecting his lips with mine, coming fully on top of me.

"What the hell is this?" We heard a man's voice coming from my doorway.

"Charlie..." I mumbled, looking past Edward's shoulder. "Dad? What are you doing home?"

Edward got off me and stood next to my bed on the far side from Charlie. The side _farthest _from my dad.

"I came home for lunch only to find my daughter-"

"Painting a room!" I finished.

"More like painting each others bodies." I heard him murmur.

"Dad!" I shrieked. "Could you like...not?"

"We'll talk about this later..." He gave me one last stern look before he left.

"Well that was awkward." I stated.

"Do you think he's coming back?"

I shook my head. "Not a fucking chance."

His lips were back at mine by the end of my sentence as he lied down next to me. "Seriously Bella, we really do have to finish this room."

"I know..." I agreed reluctantly. "Hand me that flipping brush."

We got up off the bed and resumed painting for the rest of the afternoon until Edward had to leave for dinner but he'd be back soon enough. Give it nine hours.

xxxxxxxxxxx

"Bells," Charlie confronted me at dinner. "What's the whole deal on you and this Cullen tutor guy?"

"He's my boyfriend..." I confessed softy.

"It's been like what? One week?" He assumed.

"A little over two and there is nothing wrong with it specially when you're spending every night with the guy."

"About that...that has gotta stop if no tutoring is getting done." _What if he's teaching me the art of kissing? _I thought in my head.

"Dad, he's helping me, I promise."

"Just...use protection, okay?" Oh g-d not his 'talk'.

"Dad...it's is so not like that. I can assure you 100%."

"Isn't that what they all say? I know I did."

"Keep the old sexual teenage stories to yourself dad. It's bad enough having you walk in when me and Edward are...doing stuff that all normal people do like hugging and shit."

"I'd like to hope it was that." He frowned with a beam in his eyes.

I rolled my eyes. "Always the actor." I smiled at my dad, lifting my plate, rinsing it and putting it in the dishwasher then I leaned against the counter with my back to it. "Do you think it's possible to love someone after you've known them for half a month?" Half a month made it sound longer than it actually was.

"Yes. What about love at first sight Bella? Is that gunna be your next question?"

"Fuck no." I stated harshly. It was not love at first sight with me and Edward. That stuff is just fucking bullshit.

"Bells...watch your mouth."

"Sorry. It's just that...never mind." I said, walking away from the kitchen.

"Say it." He suggested.

"I think I love him but how can I be sure? How do I know I'm not mistaking love for a feeling of infatuation."

He turned to look at me. "You really don't until you marry the guy really but I think after Edward, there will be a lot more of these kinds of misunderstandings and such so I don't think you need to worry about that just yet."

"There isn't going to be an 'after Edward'."

"What do you mean?"

"If Edward and I break up, I'll probably be so depressed that killing myself won't be enough but I don't think that'll happen. I think we're going to be together forever. It's sounds cheesy, I know, but that's how I think it's supposed to be and will always be. Me and him."

"I understand. You never were the dating type anyways." He grinned.

"I love him." I told my father, admitted it.

"That's a mouth full to carry but for you, I'll swallow it down and digest it."

"Thanks dad." I smiled, walking up to him and giving him a hug then skipping back to my room to take a shower. I still needed to get rid of the paint that was stuck in places paint should never be.

xxxxxxxxx

That night when Edward came, I was already passed out and dead from the tiring day we had so he just cuddled with me in my bed smelling like fresh soap and shampoo.

In the morning, we brushed our teeth and got straight to work.

"Which colour do you want to begin with?" He asked.

"Blue?" I suggested.

"Perfect."

He gave me and himself each one cup which we would splatter on the walls. He went first.

He dove the cup in the bucket of water and scooped it out. The cup and his hand completely drenched with blue paint and then he threw the thin paint against the wall where it made a "splat" sound and the water began to drip slowly down the wall.

"There. Can you do that?"

"Maybe we should try on a piece of paper first..." I thought.

"It's not that hard. You learn kind of stuff this in kindergarden." He laughed.

"Fine." I said grabbing my cup and dipping into the water then throwing it against the wall where the blue paint lingered on the white walls.

"Was that so hard?" He asked.

"I just got lucky." I chuckled. "Just wait."

_**there**_

_**sorry it's kind of short but it's better than nothing**_

_**hopefully the next one'll be longer :D**_

_**thanks guys, you mean so much to me**_

_**by the way - feeling of infatuation is like a crush. You think you love him but you really dont.**_

_**oh and for those of you who don't know I just became a beta reader so if you have anything you want me to take a look at inbox me whenever is convenient and I can assure you I WILL reply asap!**_

_**thanks guys**_

_**xoxoxo**_

_**loving you**_

_**NikCul  
**_


	23. Chapter 23

_**here!!!!!!**_

Chapter 23

We finished splatting paint on my room and when it was time for Edward to go, I gave him a kiss goodbye and then he left swiftly.

He didn't come that night and I wasn't surprised. After all, we _had _spent a whole weekend together and tomorrow was school. I can just picture it now. "Bella, how come you weren't here Friday?" "Bella, I heard about your mom." "Bella, give me Eddie back." "Bella, what's the down low on you and Edward?" "Bella, what's wrong?"

I mean, does it ever come across to people that if they don't look completely normal one day that maybe they are having an 'off day.' Oh! And here's a thought...the chances are if they're not saying anything...THEY DON'T WANT TO

Idiots.

I opened the doors to the school and walked inside to my locker where Alice was waiting. "Hey." I smiled at her.

"Bella..."

"What Alice?" I asked. I knew what was coming though.

"I'm so sorry! I heard about-"

"Don't finish that sentence." I interrupted opening the locker door.

"I understand..."

"Do you?" I questioned rhetorically. "So you understand that you _can _say Renee and Renee over and over again because it won't bother me because her goal in the first place was to leave me and Charlie and never see us again therefore she deserved to die...somewhat." I told her.

"She left you guys?"

"On a plane to Phoenix." I explained.

"What a bitch! Or at least she was." She stifled a laugh. "You seem to be okay though." She observed.

I grabbed my books and turned to face her. "I am." I admitted then blushed and looked down at my feet.

"Bella...why are you blushing...?" Alice asked but the answer was right behind her.

As I told her I was okay, Edward turned the corner dressed in a white V-Neck and jeans with a light black sweater on. His hair messed and rugged like usual and his green eyes were piercing with glory.

Alice followed my eyes leading her to turn around and look at Edward as well then she turned back to me. "Oh...I get it. Did you guys like hook up after the party or something?"

I shook my head, no.

"Did he reject you?" Her voice increased with fury.

"No." I told her a bit too harsh.

"So you haven't kissed him?"

"Alice...enough with the questions, okay?" I said and she shrugged but nodded her head slightly; reluctantly.

Edward walked up to me with a crooked smile planted upon his face, the one I'd seen at Semi while he played his music while he was extremely happy, like now and he gave me a small kiss on the cheek. "I love you." He whispered in my ear to low for Alice or anyone to hear but I could hear it clearly. And then, he grabbed my hand.

"So what's the deal on you two? Really?" Alice cock blocked.

"Alice, meet my boyfriend Edward." I mumbled hoping she wouldn't hear.

"AHHHHH!" She squealed running up to me, which was like, two steps and giving me a huge hug breaking me and Edward's hands apart making it feel lonely and cold. "I am so happy for you Bells!"

"Yeah...now why don't you go run off and tell Lauren and Tanya." I smirked.

"Okay!" She bounced, running away to go find them.

He turned towards me as I put my back up against my locker, the lock digging into my spine but I ignored it. "I love you too." I whispered back.

He smiled and lifted his hand up to my cheek bringing his lips closer to mine and pulling our faces together. As our lips lingered on each others, my hands fell right on his wrists to grasp them, pulling him closer to me then I wrapped my arms around his neck, getting on my tippie-toes to give him one last peck before pulling away with a smile on my lips and my brown eyes looking up at his emerald jades.

"Come on," He smiled, grabbing my hand "let's go to class."

"Umm...Ed, you don't have English with me." I reminded him.

"Oh contraire." He spoke. "I am helping out the class for the next two weeks. Co-Ed."

I smiled. "Does this mean I am technically dating my teacher?"

"I'm not getting paid sweetheart. It's for a grade."

"Darn. I wanted to go spreading that around." I joked.

"How long until you think the school will know we're together?" He questioned.

"They all probably already know. We just shared a public kiss and besides, leave it to Alice to put in an announcement later." I teased.

We landed in front of the English office and gave me one last kiss before I walked in before him and ran to the back to take my seat.

We all stood for the national anthem and sat down when the announcement's came and then Mr. Burty walked in afterward.

"Hello class. I would all like to introduce you to your knew student teacher, kind of." He chuckled to himself while everyone remained silent. "Edward Cullen everyone." Lauren, who was sadly in my class quacked with excitement. Whore. "Even though he is on Co-Ed doesn't mean you treat him any differently. Call him Mr. Cullen. He will be with us for the next to weeks, so please everyone be respectful." He said sternly. "And have fun!" Classic Mr. Burty to add that at the end of a what he would call 'harsh' speech.

Lauren sat in front of me and the temptation to rub it in her face came over me. "You know Lauren, it's not nice to hit on teachers specially when they're in a relationship." I told her.

She turned to face me. "And you are..."

"Bella. We met at the dance."

"Oh...the one Edward took on a pitty date. I'll just let you know now, after you left he came and crawled over to me that evening."

"Really? Because he was at my house in the morning. Very, very, very early in the morning."

"Where was he at night?"

"At home."

"Or at my house." She contradicted. "And besides, he isn't really a teacher and he's dating me so what do it matter." She smirked and turned to face Edward giving him a seductive wave. Gag. "So back off."

"Really? Because if I do recall he's been sleeping at my house the past week, in my bed, helping me paint my room while we sneak out every single night and asked me to be his girlfriend in the same time span."

"Whore." She stated.

I laughed. "Have you looked in a mirror lately?"

"Have _you _looked in a mirror lately because it cracked when you were standing in front of it."

"No. It was really because you were standing behind me." I smirked and then the bell rang rushing me out of class with Edward by my side.

"You know she's gunna spread a rumor that we're sleeping together, right?"

I arrived at my locker to get my math book out. "Edward," I began "I don't really give a flying fuck what she or everyone else thinks as long as I know the truth."

"Bell, people are going to bag on you and shit."

"So? Why should I care?"

"I care."

I took his hand in mine. "And I love that you care but you really shouldn't. She's just jealous and by everyone going along with it proves them to be as well. Can't you just be happy that I don't care? To this day, I always knew that in life, we don't know what is going to happen and that has always frightened me and I'm still like that except now, I don't care. My future doesn't frighten me anymore. I already told you I believe that things happen for a reason so why can't you just trust me on this?"

"Fine." He smiled giving me a kiss on the lips when someone yelled 'get a room'.

I turned to see Mike Newton staring at us with an ugly smirk playing on his lips showing his bright yellow teeth which desperately needed braces. "Fuck off." I told him.

"Feisty. How's she in bed?" He asked, nodding at Edward but I answered instead.

"Even if he told you it would be irrelevant to you considering you wouldn't have anything to compare it to." I told him. "Now walk away."

Edward turned to me and erupted into laughter after Mike walked away with his head down. "You can handle yourself after all."

"I told you." I grinned, poking his chest once. "Don't worry baby." I teased with a wink.

The bell rang and I grabbed my text book and gave him a kiss goodbye before running to math class.

_**done!!! I'll update more tomorrow probably. if not tomorrow, tuesday!**_

_**xoxoxo**_

_**loving you**_

_**NikCul  
**_


	24. Chapter 24

_**So it turns out I updated in the same day instead!!! yay!!!!**_

_**so here ya go....  
**_

Chapter 24

"You're not actually sleeping with him, are you?" Rosalie asked during lunch, after my boring math class. If only Edward could help teach that one as well.

"Yeah! We fuck every night in my bed while I scream his name with joy!" I said sarcastically.

"Jeez, I was just making sure the rumors were actually rumors because the whole school thinks you are."

"What is it with you people? Don't you know me at all? I don't care what anyone thinks!"

"I agree." Added Alice. "You shouldn't. Besides, people can be biased."

I rolled my eyes. "I think you are a little far fetched there. How can people be biased?"

"Well think about it...a guy sleeps with a girl, he is called a hero for the rest of their school lives, but a girl sleeps with a guy she's called a slut for the rest of eternity therefore it's biased."

"It's not biased," Rose disagreed, "It's physiologically stupid."

"So how come you don't get called sluts? I mean, I know perfectly well you and Em or Jasper don't make out half the time."

"It's different. We've been with them so long that you run out of things to do so people get it. But when you're with a guy for a little of two weeks-"

"Half a month." I corrected and she grimaced.

"Two weeks," she repeated, "well then you can come off as a little bit of a ho."

"That's stupid." I growled. "Time has nothing to do with it."

Alice shrugged her tiny shoulders. "I don't make the rules."

"But you stand by them..." I contradicted.

"So what? I'm human!" She laughed but I didn't think that was much of an excuse, even for Alice.

"I don't get it though. So Tanya and Lauren can act like whores and sleep with a guy _before _the date has even started, but when people think I'm doing it, it's a sham? I hate high school." I chuckled a laugh without humor.

"Think about it...it's just Tanya and Lauren. Tanya is too 'popular' to care and Lauren doesn't even have a conscience big enough to take a step by herself so she follows in Tanya's footsteps. Is that really what you want?" Rose spoke.

"I wasn't saying that. Let's just say we were all neutral, and Tanya and I both decided to have sex for the first time at the exact same second, why would I be discriminated for it and she's not?"

"Because guys want that. Guys want _her._ If they out her because she did something slutty, she won't fuck them." Alice smiled. "If you are actually in a relationship having sex, guys have no chance with you so why would they be sympathetic?"

"I see your point." I confessed. "And by the way, speak of the devil..."

Tanya and Lauren emerged from the corner dressed head to toe in tight clothes that wouldn't fit my baby toe. Tanya smiled and winked at all the boys while Lauren followed, oblivious to the outside world but completely in sinc with Tanya's.

She walked up to us and smiled at me. "Hi Whore." _Wow, way to lay it flat on the table_ I though to myself. "I heard how you were rude to my friend during first period."

I just rolled my eyes at her.

"Well, apologize." She demanded.

I looked at her, stunned actually and shook my head no then got up and walked away.

"Chicken."

"At least I'm not as fat as one." I smirked then walked away to go find Edward.

But of course, Rosalie and Alice followed.

"Are you like, gonna cry?" Alice asked.

"Umm...no Ali." I laughed. "Can I borrow your phone for a sec. I need to text Edward to tell him to meet me somewhere."

"Can I read the text after you send it?" She questioned.

"Sure."

She handed me her phone with Edward's number already punched in from her contacts and I began the text.

_Hey Ed, meet me my locker in five. Love you! - Bella_

I handed Alice back her phone and began heading to my locker when I heard Alice's last words before her voice was out of hearing range: "Damn, Bella deleted it."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When I arrived at my locker, Edward was already there waiting for me with a smile on his face. "Hey."

"Hey. I heard what happen in the lunch room. Is it true?"

"I'm not denying it."

He chuckled. "Classic Bella. But just be careful. You could get in some serious shit."

"Don't worry. I'm dissing her along the boundary lines." I joked.

"How was math?" He asked.

"Ugh." I groaned. "Problem solving."

"I can help you after school..." He offered.

I shook my head. "How about we just hang out after school and then later, like _way _later you can tutor me. I still need that time slot filled during the night." I compromised.

He shrugged but nodded his head. "Alright. How about we go to my place after school?"

"Like...to meet you're parents?" I confirmed.

"Well yeah, that, but it won't be until later so we could just hang at my house for a bit, you can have dinner there too and then we'll go from there."

"I don't know Edward. I don't have the best record with first impressions. You should know that by now. Remember when we met? But pat yourself on the back for surviving it."

He began to speak and then changed his mind. "I don't want to know." He smiled. "Don't worry. If you do recall my first impression with your dad wasn't too dandy either."

"His first impression of you was a straight A student." I disagreed.

"Oh, I was talking about the one where I was about to kiss you but your dad walked in and the other time where I was on top of you, kissing you and your dad walked in."

I laughed. "Don't worry, he knows you're a good guy. Besides, I've set him straight to believe it anyways even though you don't need it."

He planted a swift, gentle kiss on my lips before the bell rang.

"So after school, my place, don't forget."

"Be there!" I smiled, waving to him as he ran to his class.

Yeah I'll be there...if I don't vomit first.

_**hope you liked it!!!**_

_**xoxoxo**_

_**loving you**_

_**NikCul  
**_


	25. Chapter 25

_**here... :DDDDD**_

Chapter 25

"How out of town do you live?" I asked Edward after we got into his car after school.

"Not too bad. Just a little secluded, that's all."

"Really? Because I don't even see civilization coming our way."

"So I live in a _really _secluded area. Jeez."

I rolled my eyes. "Of course you do." I smiled.

We stayed in the car for about another twenty minutes before he pulled up onto his driveway. Did I mention is was large?

All different types of green trees surrounded his house with pleasure masking around the white exterior. There were windows where I could see parts of the interior and let me tell you know, it wasn't small.

"Would you stop gawking and come inside?" He chuckled.

"You...live here?" I asked, dazed.

"Yes. Why?"

I turned to him and grimaced. "It's like a freaking house a queen would live in!"

"But here is where you have it wrong sweetheart. The queen may live in a house, but we, live in a home." He grinned, grabbing my hand and taking me into his home.

He unlocked the door and opened it and I tagged alongside of him.

The living room was magnificent. Open and light where expensive pictures hung and fancy old fashion couches sat mysteriously. There was a grand piano off to the side and beside it, was a path that led to the bright kitchen. Tall lamps added character to the room and the diamond chandelier that hung over the mahogany coffee table, shone like a million stars.

"It's beautiful." I whispered.

"Thanks." He murmured back.

I followed him up the wooded spiral stairs that led to two floors but we skipped the second and traveled on to the third.

"Up here is my room, my washroom, my study room and other various things that are mine." He explained.

"You have your own floor?" I asked.

"Don't worry Bella, it's a small floor."

"I bet it's bigger than my house!" I disagreed, laughing.

"Look, do you wanna see my room or not?" He smiled.

"Yes I want to see your room."

I wrapped my arms around his waste and followed him, my feet right behind his down the narrow hallway, to the end where there was a white closed door with a gold, which I'm pretty sure was solid gold, handle.

I went to go and touch it but I heard a loud "No" escape from Edward's mouth.

"What?" I asked.

"You can't touch it."

"Are you shitting me? So you can come into my room whenever you please and paint the walls every single colour you want but I can touch your flipping door knob?"

He chuckled. "You can, just be gentle."

I turned to look at him in disbelief. "Oh my g-d. My boyfriend is a pretty boy." I stared, wide eyed.

"Would you stop it." He laughed and leaned over to turn the gold handle gently, letting it open by itself.

The door opened slowly reveling the inside of his room as we walked in carefully. I stepped in front of him letting my eyes search on their own. The carpet was a creamy beige rather than being wood like I expected and there was a whole side of his room with shelves that had various types of music and different artists and at the other end of his room, and I mean _way _over on the other end of his room, there was a king sized bed, of course, with golden, probably Egyptian cotton sheets and a black wooded headboard. The rest of his room was bare.

"It's...kind of simple." I stated.

"Yeah I know. I didn't want anything to charismatic." He chuckled. "Just simple."

"Well I like it." I beamed, turning around to meet his face.

"I'm glad. So are you going to have dinner here?"

"Umm...sure. Let me just call my dad, okay?"

He nodded but leaned in and gave me a small kiss on the lips then pulled away and winked. "The phone is downstairs. I'll wait here."

My jaw dropped. "Well that's not fair! I don't want to go downstairs _now_!"

He leaned in and smiled. "Go call your dad. I'll still be here when you're done." He said, his breath skimming over my face.

I nodded my dazzled head and left the room and went downstairs to go find the phone.

I walked into the kitchen and found it hanging on the wall and dialed my dads number. He picked up on the third ring. "Hello?"

"Hey dad, I was wondering if I could have dinner at Edward's house with his parents?"

"Sure, just be home at a decent time."

"Okay. I love you."

"Love you."

I hung up and skipped back upstairs to Edward's room.

He was on his bed, sitting with his back against the headboard and his hand behind his head.

I ran over with soft speed to his bed and jumped on it feeling the springs bounce underneath me.

I climbed in-between his legs, cross legged and faced him. "Hi!" I smiled.

"So what did he say?"

"He said I could stay. What are we having?" I asked.

"I'm not sure. When my mother, Esme, comes home she'll make something."

"What time do your parents usually get home?"

"Around seven."

"And it is..."

"Four twenty."

"So we have like...two and a half hours without creepy guard dads walking in on us or high class parents being appalled?" I confirmed.

"Something like that..." He smirked.

We both leaned in at the same time when there way a knock on the door and Edward pulled away and hissed.

"What?" I asked.

The door creaked open and at first I didn't see anything but then, toward the bottom half of the door, there was a tiny girl, about five years old with long blond hair and bright crystal blue eyes looking all innocent and such.

"Hey Bethy..." Edward edged.

"Hi Ed, who's this?" She asked.

"This is Bella. Don't you remember me talking about her?"

"Oh! You're Bella."

Great, so he talks about me to little children. G-d knows what he says.

"And you are...?" I smiled at her.

"I'm Edward's cousin, Elizabeth but you can call me Beth."

"She's just been with us for the past two weeks while her parents go to Hawaii." He then leaned in my ear and whispered something. "I completely forgot she was here." He huffed.

"That's okay." I mumbled back. "So Beth, how old are you?"

"I know I look like I'm five years old, but I'm eight. I just have growing issues." She frowned.

"That's okay. I'm sure you and my friend Alice could be great friends." I smiled. "You know what? I could give her a call and she could come over right now and take you shopping?" I offered.

"Really? I'd like to do that!" She jumped and Edward cringed with the force met the door knob.

"It's not gunna fall off Edward." I rolled my eyes.

He grimaced at me.

"Edward, pass me your cell." I smiled.

He handed it to me and I called Alice and she picked up on the first ring, like always. "Hey Ali, could you come to Edward's and take his cousin out for me for a bit?"

"Why..."

"You know why."

"Okay. What's the Address?"

I handed Edward the phone and he talked to her in a quiet tone while I sat down.

"She's on her way. Beth, go get dressed for her, would you and then come show us what you have on." He told her.

She hopped away with a grin on her face and if she was anything like Alice, she'd be away for a while.

I turned back towards Edward and smiled. "She's a cute girl."

"Yeah, I guess." He teased.

"Now come here?" I laughed pulling his lips to mine while we had the time.

Until the cousin comes back in.

Until Alice arrives.

And until dinner comes along too.

Kill me.

_**Sorry, it's not really a conventional chapter but the next one'll be REALLY goooooodddddddddddddddd**_

_**xoxoxo**_

_**loving you**_

_**NikCul  
**_


	26. Chapter 26

_**Hey guys,**_

**_a few things_**

**_1: all my reviews, check your fucking inboxes!!! I mean it in the nicest way possible but really...I am such a good author!!! I've replied to every single reviewer and only some people reply so to you who don't....you know who you are...reply back!_**

**_second...I've been thinking about a sequel but it depends how this story pans out so let me know what you think about that!!_**

**_Thanks!!!_**

Chapter 26

"Thanks for doing this Alice." I told her when she arrived at Edward's house.

Edward was still in his room so I went to get the door.

"No problem. Now where is the mini me?" She smiled.

"Beth!" I called to her and she ran down the stairs wearing dark blue skinny jeans and a pink flowery top that flowed away at her torso.

"At least the kid has got style unlike....someone I know." She said, eying my jeans and a navy blue tank top outfit.

"Could you just go?" I joked.

Beth ran up to Alice and smiled. "Hi! I'm Elizabeth but you can call me Beth!"

"Well hello Beth, I'm Alice and I'm about to take you on the biggest shopping trip of your life!" She cooed.

"Alice...she's eight not five." I reminded her.

"Oh...sorry Beth! I have that happen to me all the time as well! Please don't hate me!"

Beth chuckled. "I don't hate you, don't worry. Now are we gunna go shopping or not?" She asked excitedly.

"Yes! Go!" I smirked, pushing them out of the the house and out the door, locking the door on their faces.

I ran back up the stairs quickly and slowly creaked open Edward's door being careful not to touch the knob.

I rolled my eyes that I actually cared about the knob as I walked in and that made Edward give me a questioning look.

"I'm falling for your door knob." I joked.

"See! I knew you just couldn't resit. But if you ever leave me for him well, I'll understand."

"Now that you mention it..." I teased, turning around and heading for the knob and bent over to go give it a nice, wet, slobbery kiss but Edward ran to his handle as fat as the speed of light could travel and stopping me from putting a "kiss stain" on his knob by covering my mouth with his hand and I licked it so he took it away and wiped it on his pants.

"Oh, would you stop being so melodramatic?" I questioned rhetorically. "I'd just like to have you know that is the same tongue that your tongue has touched."

"Ew, Bella."

"What...you don't like spit?" I spat.

"Bella stop." He demanded without an aggressive or harsh tone.

"No Edward, please enlighten me on this 'phobia' of yours." I smiled and blew a bubble of spit on my mouth and he mad a face before running out of the room and into the bathroom down the hall.

Are you shitting me?

My boyfriend is as queasy as fuck.

I followed him down the hall where I saw him in the bathroom breathing in and out and I laughed, leaning against the side of the wall, crossing my arms. "You are such a girl."

"I just don't like spit and things like that."

"Bad experience?" I asked.

"No, I just think it's fucking distributing." He told me.

"Does this mean you aren't gunna kiss me anymore?" I asked.

"No! See that's different! I enjoy kissing you and all the spit stays where in need to say." He smiled coming up to me and wrapping his arms around my waste and pulling me into him.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and stood on my tippie toes to give him a kiss. After he brought his lips to mine our lips remained on each others, delaying the moment we'd have to pull away. My lips trailed on his, each kiss becoming more fierce with content. He picked me up in the next instant, out lips still laced together with my feet dangling off the floor, definitely not wrapped around his hips, (what do you think I am? An experienced slut?) and he pulled me out of the washroom and into his bedroom, waking into the room, him kicking the door shut with his foot and each one of us falling back on the bed.

I leaned over him and moved my hand up to his cheek and around his head and pulled his face closer to mine.

His arms moved from the peak of my back to the sides of my body pulling me more on top of him but being on top made me feel self-conscious, even if we were just kissing, and I moved to the left side of his body, pulling his on top so he was now hovering over me.

His hands moved up the sides of my body up to my neck and he began to tickle my neck to through the kiss, I laughed and pushed him away. "What the hell are you doing?" I exclaimed, cupping my neck where he tickled it.

"What? You don't like being tickled?"

"Don't you know me at all?"

"Well, I don't like spit and you don't like being tickled so then if I get to tickle you we're even."

"Hell no." I stated but he launched forward and me and I went into the fetus position thinking it would help but all it did was allow access to the back of my neck and my extremely exposed back.

I screamed really loudly before his hand even touched me and he began to laugh. "Okay, we're even."

I got out of the position and glared at him. "I hate you!"

"Aww...Bella." He said 'sincerely'. "You're such a girl."

"I am a girl!"

"Which is why I can openly kiss you while I grope your ass."

My jaw dropped. "Edward! You are such a man whore." I said, sinking into the bed and putting my head against the pillow.

"Bells, I'm sorry. Was that too much?"

I nodded my head.

He leaned down and whispered in my ear. "I love you."

"Well you have a nice way of showing it Edward." I sat up. "Is this what you are doing it for? My ass?"

"No Bella! I would never!"

"Really?"

"I promise." He smiled and then put his back against the headboard and let his legs relax loose in front of him and patted the empty space on the right of him and I scooted into the open area. He put his arm around me and I leaned against his shoulder. "I love you." He whispered again. "And I would never hurt you."

"Good because I love you too." I smiled.

"And I won't leave you."

"Neither will I." I smiled giving him one last kiss on his lips.

After I kissed him, I could feel the garage opening and there was a loud vibrating sound rippling through the house.

"They're here." He smiled, giving me one last kiss on my forehead and then I reluctantly followed him downstairs where the doorknob churned open and the door blew free exposing two people who may or may not like me.

I'm gunna go with not.

_**there**_

_**Sorry it took kind of long and the next one will hopefully be longer...it's the dinner so iunno but I am TRYING!!!!!!!!**_

_**don't hate me...  
**_

_**Anyways...if you forget what I said at the begging, REVIEW AND CHECK YOUR INBOX'S and let me know what you think of about a sequal.**_

_**xoxoxo**_

_**loving you**_

_**NikCul  
**_


	27. Chapter 27

**_I'm sorry it's been so long it's just a lot has been happening! ahhhh_**

**_enjoy..._**

Chapter 27

Once the couple had walked through the door the first thing I noticed was their angelic features and the way they swiftly moved. They were dressed in expensive designer clothes and the mother's hair looked like she had just come back from the salon. I felt as though I was standing in front of royalty although they're personality told me different things considering they burst into a fit of laughter once they turned and faced me. They were gripping their stomachs and holding on to each other for support. Edward just smirked nervously while I looked skeptically at him.

He gave me a "just let it die down" face and I nodded my head, waiting for their tantrum of joyfulness to stop.

"Hi mom, dad. What's so funny?" Edward asked while grabbing his mom's jacket and hanging it up inside the closet.

His dad hung his own jacket up and then they closed the door behind them and both turned to face us and roared into another bucket of chuckles.

"Okay..." Edward whispered and then his mom was the first one to calm down and then his dad.

"Hello," She smiled at me. "I'm Esme and this is my husband Carlisle."

"I'm Bella," I said, shaking her hand.

"I'm sorry for our behavior earlier, it's just that your face looked extremely frightened. We don't bite sweetheart." She grinned.

"Sorry." I mumbled.

"Hi," Said Carlisle. "Sorry about that. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"You too." I grinned.

We moved towards the living room and they let me sit on their beautiful fancy white leather couches that were placed around a mahogany coffee table.

"Now, would you like to tell us why you were so scared?" Esme asked with a smile.

"I just thought that you wouldn't like me." Better to be upfront then go home crying because I couldn't think of an excuse.

"Why?"

"Well, I don't know, it's just I had this gut feeling you wouldn't like me. I was being very judgmental I guess...stereotypical maybe?"

"We get that a lot but we're not the stubborn people you might find us to be. I mean, we were nice enough to adopt a son, how bad could we be? Which reminds me, where is Beth?"

I was stunned right at the mere second she had said the word 'adopt'. As it rolled of her tongue, the rest of the sentence had blurred out. Was I being delusional? Did Edward have a brother he wasn't telling me about or was he simply the 'son'.

My mind was whirling so rapidly I didn't even have time to think.

Was Edward adopted?

"Excuse me, I have to use the washroom." I smiled slightly and got up from the chair and walked away from the living room to go find the nearest bathroom. I could already hear the footsteps following behind me.

"Bella," he mumbled in a loud tone.

I quickened my pace down the narrow hallway as I began to search for a washroom.

"It's at the end at the left." Edward stated, keeping his pace just meters behind me.

I turned around to face him and looked him straight into his emerald eyes. "You're adopted?"

He walked a little closer to me and looked down at his feet then back at me. "Yes."

"Why didn't you tell me or drop a hint? I probably looked like a moron sitting at the table knowing this is the first time I heard the news."

"You didn't look like a moron. You looked sad since this was the first time you heard it." His face was a mixture of confusion and somewhere on the verge of being upset. I could tell by the way his brow furrowed into a thick line.

"Well of course I looked sad Edward! My boyfriend who I am madly in love with just sort of forgot to tell me he's adopted. No big deal. I share my past with you, something that wasn't easy for me and you don't have the decency to tell me that you're adopted?"

"I'm sorry! I was going to tell you."

"When?"

"I'm not sure."

"It's not like I would care. I just feel that this is a part your life and I think I should know. This is your past, something I know very little about and I find it crucial that I know. If you really don't think me knowing is that important well then maybe you have the wrong girl or something."

"Bella..." He began to take a step closer.

"Don't 'Bella' me .Why were you so reluctant to tell me?"

"I wasn't. I just...I don't have an excuse okay?"

"You just didn't want to?"

"I don't know why I didn't! Maybe I thought you'd look at me differently or something." He murmured and I walked up to him and brushed the side of his cheek gently.

"I could never look at you differently from the way I look at you now. You saved me. The fact that you weren't born rich doesn't change how I feel or think about you. It's who you are now that makes me love you not the fact you obsess over gold door knobs or that you know math better than anyone I know. It's the fact that you are Edward Cullen and no one can change that. You brought me back to life and made me love, which is something I thought would remain foreign to me for the rest of my life. You won't be defined by your birth certificate. The only significance that has is that you were born and you are alive living and breathing right now." I said looking at him. "And I love you."

"I love you too and I'm sorry." He sighed pulling me in for a soft, gentle hug.

"You may live in someone else's blood but no one can see it. No one can feel it. No one can taste or hear it. You are who you grow up to be. That blood is just there to hold you together but it plays the part of an invisible shield. Don't let it get to your head."

I gave him a small chaste kiss on the lips and hugged him tightly.

My life's a roller coaster. If only I liked the drops.

**_here ya go!_**

**_I promise to be back on track with u guysss_**

**_thank you to my beta AlwaysAndForever13! _**

**_I love ya'll_**

**_xoxoxo_**

**_loving you_**

**_NikCul_**


	28. Chapter 28

**_You can hate me...but if you are reading The Unforeseen Butterfly than you'd know my remedy is working. I came down with a bad case of writer's block/hell and now I am back on track ready to update my favourite book with my favourite reviewers._**

**_I love you all!_**

**_enjoy..._**

Chapter 28

The Cullen's were amazing people. I had nothing to worry about! Carlisle spent his life saving other people's while Esme gave them beautiful homes to live in. Going back to the beginning of the day makes me feel completely guilty for ever thinking these people were snobby and/or rude.

And of course, Edward was perfect as always. He was no different with the people he loved. He treated them with such kindness even though they weren't his biological parents.

"Thank you for having me over." I smiled to them as Edward walked me to my door.

"It was our please, Bella. Please, come any time." Carlisle said.

"I will." I promised.

The couple backed out of view and out of our way as Edward smiled to say goodbye to me.

He put of strand of hair behind my ear and leaned down to give me a small kiss on my lips. "Goodnight Bella." He whispered.

"Goodnight Edward."

As soon as I turned around my arm was caught by his. "Will it be?"

"What do you mean?"

"Is this goodnight or will I be seeing you later?"

I grinned at him as I looked into his green eyes and nodded my head eagerly before leaving his house, and running out to my dad's cruiser. I had called him earlier to pick me up at this time.

As soon as I got home, I kicked off my shoes and sprinted up to my room, changed and brushed my hair and teeth.

When I got back into my room, Edward was already there, waiting for me with my journal open.

When I walked over to him, the first thing he noticed was my grimace.

He put his arm around my waist and pulled me to his side then kissed my forehead. "You're mad?" He asked.

I nodded my head.

"Why?"

"I don't know if I'm ready. I know we've read it before but that was only the beginning of it." I told him.

"Just one page." He begged.

"Edward..."

"Please?"

I shook my head and gave him a firm 'no'.

He pushed my back against my bed and hovered over me with a smirk on his perfect, edged face. "You're so stubborn."

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his body closer to mine. "Then maybe you should just give in."

He slid his hand around my cheek and pulled my face towards his. "Maybe I should so we can do something else." He smiled.

I attached my lips to his allowing them to move endlessly like they were almost frantic for each other. My hands tangled in his hair while his wound around my lower back, rubbing my bare skin.

In life, there are many things humans need to experience life, but when do you know if it's the right time? Do you simply just live in the moment or wait to plan the right moment when you know you really are ready?

I say screw the plans for making plans and live in the moment before you fuck everything up.

I pulled my arms down from his hair so that they were at the bottom end of his shirt. When I imagined myself doing this years ago, I always thought I'd feel deviously dirty in some way but I guess if it's with the right guy then maybe it isn't as devious as we make it out to be.

I lightly tugged on the end of his cotton shirt, seeing if he'd notice even when I am just as occupied as he was and he didn't. I pulled it up a bit more, allowing my pale hand to skim the open flesh of his back and then he got the message like his brain had finally turned on.

His lips felt a little more cautions on mine but he didn't stop me or say anything so I took that as a sign to continue.

I carefully pulled his shirt up to his neck and then released his lips, took of the stupid shirt, threw it on the floor then pressed my lips back to his while I allowed my petite hands to roam his hairless chest.

While my hands did that, his were easily slipping me out of one of my dad's old, big T-shirts, throwing that to the ground and then roaming my almost naked body, besides my underwear.

Usually I would have felt self-conscience but when you're in the moment, that never seems to happen.

I gently unbuttoned his dark wash jeans and opened the fly then pulled them down to his ankles where he kicked them off.

And then there we were, his bare chest on mine with only thin underwear keeping us apart.

And then this is the time where I thank school while experiencing sexual parts of my life. I opened the draw to my night stand, pulled out the condom I got in grade nine and handed it to him.

"I probably am the only person you'll ever hear this from during sex but school has finally come in handy." I laughed easily.

"You're right Bella. I won't hear that from any one else while making love to them because you will be the only one I ever make love to." He whispered. He then gave me one last soft kiss before we got carried away.

_**yes, no? I figured I would treat you with a little more than a dinner with the parents. Was it too soon? not at the right moment?**_

**_let me know!_**

**_xoxoxo_**

**_loving you_**

**_NikCul_**


	29. Chapter 29

_**hey...sorry its been a little while but i am backkkk...enjoy...**_

Chapter 29

BPOV

Like all normal couples, after making love for the time with your...love interest...partner..."fuck buddy" or whatever you'd like to call it, you'd expect to have a cliche wake up where you're all tangled up in each others arms, reluctant to pull away from one another and disregarding the morning breath...but no, apparently that only happens in movies and overrated books.

Unlike the TV shows where half the parents aren't even present the whole time, my dad just had to be on the dot like he always is. So fucking punctual.

So this morning, I woke up to this:

"How dare you! She is my daughter! Where did you ever hear that it would be okay to take away her virtue at such a young age without my permission! I know all of you guys, and all you want is to get in those girls pants. Is that what they call it these days? Well listen up buddy, I was once your age and I know how you men think. Even to this day we men think about sex every thirty seconds. It's statistics son! So don't you even think about trying to get out of my wrathfulness because I know your type. I was okay with you and my daughter but now, I may never even let you back into this house! Her hooha or wawa or whatever you men call their private parts these days is to remained untouched under ANY circumstance and if you EVER touch her yaya's again, I will know. I'm okay with the kissing but as soon as you know it has gotten way to far like your wonker has begun doing push ups...is that what you call an erection these days? Whatever! When you get hard, you run your little ass back home because I refuse for it to get any farther. You got that?"

Let's put it this way...hitting my head against a wall would have been the best part of my day.

Charlie was supposed to be at work like he always is, not home at eight in the morning. That is his daily routine. Get up at five and then leave half an hour later, on the dot because Charlie is simply that fucking punctual man.

Checking up on his daughter was never part of the routine like it was today.

_Why today? Today of all days!_

I dragged my tired, naked body out of bed and put on my school clothes; jeans and a plaid shirt then ran downstairs, tripping twice, then entering into the loud, bickering being held in the old kitchen.

"Dad, dad, calm down." I barged in.

"Don't you tell me to calm down when you're the one having sex!" He shouted. "I thought I taught you better."

"Charlie!" I yelled back at him.

"Shut up Isabella. You are fucking disgrace to me right now. I had no problem with you seeing the boy and him tutoring you but this was last on my list so just shut up!"

"Hey, don't tell your daughter to shut up." Edward defended.

"You just watch son, one day you are going to have to throw your whole life away because of one mistake just like I did. One silly drunk night at prom and all your hopes and dreams have gone down the fucking toilet. Just that stupid mistake."

"Mistake?" I croaked. "I had always thought Renee was the one whole thought of me like that, never my own father! You were always my favourite and now you agree with her?"

"See, now that's where you're wrong. I never thought highly of you. Renee would be backing me up right now if you hadn't killed the only thing I had left. You were an awful child! That's why she needed so many fucking business trips. That's why she is _gone_!"

Tears began falling down my face, searing into the corners of my mouth when Edward began to speak up again. "Sir, we never meant for this to happen. We're just in love. All I wanted to do was show her, not get on your nerves or even hit a nerve. Please don't try to make it seem like your mishaps are ours. If it turns out we made one, we'll know there are certain consequences but we'll also know that love has mistakes and I will never regret anything I ever do with your daughter sir."

"And you think I didn't love Renee? You both sicken me. Get out of my house Edward." Charlie jerked but Edward remained defensive. "Now!"

Edward stood up out of the shabby kitchen chair and glanced my way, trying to read in my face what I was going to do next.

"I have to get to school Charlie." I said monotonically, then stood up and swiftly left hand in hand with Edward out of my house with a recently tear stained face, lies roming throught my head, damaging my brain so I can't think clearly and I was on the verge of an emotional breakdown.

Today of all days.

I was going to do everything to avoid coming back to this house whether it kills me or not.

_**i know...i know...you probably all wanna kill me but i swear the next chapter...which i will right soon is about to allow this story to take a dursatic turn...**_

**_I refuse to give up on this story. I love all my readers and you are what keep me motivated but also I am doing this for my tutor. I love her and let her RIP._**

**_thank you so much guys, please read and review...that quicker you do that...the quicker I will update because i feel writing is all about motivation._**

**_thanks again guys_**

**_xoxo_**

**_loving you_**

**_NikCul_**


	30. Chapter 30

**_yes, i know I suck shit because I update every century but I'm back. enjoy the extra long chappy because I love my fanfictors...I don't actually know what chapter were on so..._**

My father was being an ass. I mean, this is my life, I should be able to do whatever the fuck I want, when I want, with who I want and his say should mean very little.

I sighed as I walked into my first period English class, taking a seat where I usually sat. The teacher wasn't in the room yet, and there were a couple other students sitting and talking or typing away on their phones while I sat in silence.

I definitely don't regret what I did. I love Edward and he loves me, there isn't anything more to it. So why do I feel so g-d damn guilty?

Maybe it's because my father didn't approve. I hope that's not the reason though because I shouldn't allow that to get to me.

The first bell rang, announcing to everyone they had five minutes to get to class just as Edward and the teacher walked in. He smiled crookedly at me then winked. I couldn't help but smile back willingly.

As more kids began to enter, my teacher started writing the new assignment on the board. Alice soon skipped in and sat next to me.

"Hey!" She bounced. "How was your weekend"

"Good." I blushed.

"Really, good?" She hinted.

"Really, really good." I giggled, glancing at Edward who was oblivious to our conversation.

"Slut." She joked.

"Please, like you're miss innocent."

"True." She laughed.

"My dad is angry though, he found out. Well, he kind of walked in really early in the morning..."

"What'd he say?"

"Rude things." I mumbled.

"I get where you're coming from. When I told my mom, she flipped but eventually, she began to understand that it's part of life, and I found information that she lost it at thirteen so I practically blackmailed her to forgive me."

"My dad would probably put me in jail if I did that."

"He'll get over it, don't worry. You're all he has left and soon enough he'll realize it. For now, just give him some space. He probably is just over worried because of the whole Renee and Angela thing. If you show him it doesn't affect you as much as it did, then he'll believe it. You both just need to have some faith."

"Thanks Alice." I grinned.

"Anytime." She beamed back.

After our conversation, our teacher turned to us and began talking about our new assignment. "Okay class, I know today is Monday and everyone hates Mondays, even I do, but you have a new assignment due in two weeks time." He walked over to the right side of the board and gestured to us with his hand what he's written on the board. "You must research someone in your family that recently passed away. Recently meaning in the past ten years so no great-great-great grandparents that died hundreds of years ago. You need to write about who they were, how they died and take a picture of their gravestone or whatever it is you have in remembrance of this person. Basically all the information you can find. Make it creative. You may begin today and you'll have the rest of the week to work on it in class, the other week we'll be starting a short stories unit and you'll work on it at home. Go!"

I groaned to myself. Wasn't I trying to get over Renee and now I have to do a whole fucking project on her?

I took out my binder, and opened it up to a lined piece of paper and wrote "Renee Swan" at the top of the page, the date and my name. My pencil tapped furiously against the table, not knowing where to even begin. Edward soon walked over to my desk and hovered over me.

"That's all you have?" He chuckled.

"Edward, get real. How am I supposed to even do this project let alone find where she was buried. For all I know her body lies with a bunch of other bodies that disintegrated into the soil."

"That's a lovely way to think of your mom."

"She never was my mom and now, she really isn't my mom considering she's dead."

"Bella, calm down." He hushed.

"No. What the heck am I supposed to say? 'My mother was a great woman and I miss her dearly and it was such a tragedy she died in a place crash to leave my family for a weekend because she hates us.' That sounds real classy." I murmured.

He laughed again and crouched down to eye level. "You're mom left because of business, Bella so stop over exaggerating."

"Why don't _you_ just write the damn project?" I hissed.

"Bella, come down!" He yelled.

The whole class, stopped, silence filling the room and the teacher gave us both a stern look.

"I'm calm." I said.

"Good."

The class began talking again and then teacher went back to grading papers.

"I'm going to the washroom." I told him.

He nodded at me to continue and I quickly packed up my bag and ran out the door as stealthy as possible. No one usually needs a bag to go to the washroom.

And it was because I wasn't.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"One ticket to Las Vegas please."

"Coach or first class?"

"Coach."

"May I please see your passport?"

I handed the lady my passport and she examined it carefully then gave it back to me.

"The next flight leaves in three hours, American Airlines, terminal two, does that work?"

"Yes, thank you."

"That'll be ninety-six dollars please."

I handed the woman a one hundred dollar bill as my ticket along with the other information printed.

"The terminal is here." She told me, circling it on the airport map. "Be there in an two hours. Enjoy the flight."

I grabbed all the papers, my overnight back and thanked her, stuffing my passport into my over the shoulder bag, walking towards terminal two.

It was easy to put all the pieces together to get where I wanted to get. I ran home, packed a bag and logged on to my dads account, seeing if there was any information regarding my mom's place crash, considering he is a cop. The plane crashed in Las Vegas, where a small memorial has been built in Paradise Valley at the Sunset Park. It wasn't too hard from there. All I had to do was drive down to Seattle, get a plane ticket to the Las Vegas Airport and get my information there. It was the only way I could get it. Besides, it gives my dad some time to cool off and I did say it was the last time I'd see him again for a while. Maybe I'll stay a couple nights in a motel and have some time to myself for once.

I continued to walk over to terminal two, occasionally asking the security guards directions on how to get there. I stopped at a Starbucks as well and got myself a coffee and then walked some more until I finally made it to the terminal. It was one huge ass terminal. People swarmed everyone, with lineups coming out of the duty free shops. I guess this is Vegas, Baby.

I sat down gently on the seats in front of my flight still having two and a half hours to kill so I got up and walked around into the duty free shops, got some candy and a magazine for the two and a half hour plane ride. That wasn't so bad so I'd live since I hate long plane rides. I've never been out of North America actually. I went to Mexico once as a child but that's it. Our family vacations were cut short when we suddenly stopped being a family.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and looked at the collar ID. It read "Edward Cullen." I should've known he'd be calling me. I didn't come back to class, eat with him at lunch and he's probably realized I'm missing by now. It's already seven in the evening.

As much as I love Edward, I ignored his called, turned my phone off and walked around some more, hoping the time would pass by quickly.

When nine rolled around, after I'd had dinner and bought another magazine, I went back to the boarding area and sat down. Though, right when I sat down I groaned because it was time to board the plane.

"Ticket please and passport?" The man asked. I handed them over to him and he handed them back and I went on to the next lady. "Ticket please?" She scanned the ticket, ripped it then handed me my piece. "Enjoy the flight." She smiled warmly.

I nodded my head and carried on to the plane until I found my seat, stuffed my bag under the chair in front of me and could finally relax.

I wasn't entirely sure I was making the right decision. Leaving Charlie and Edward and my friends without a warning may not have been the greatest decision of my life, but in a way I just had to go with my gut instinct. It wasn't so much about the English project that made me decide I needed to do this, it was more the fact that I needed to find my mom and tell her what's been happening in my life and how better off I am without her. I think she deserves to know.

Some twenty year old came and sat next to me, putting his things bellow the seat in front of him, then sitting back and relaxing when he saw me looking at him. I blushed and looked away for my insanity when he stook out his hand. "Riley, you are?"

Riley had dirty blonde hair, a round face and piercing blue eyes. His pale skin reflected off the black business suit he was wearing. He looked like he should be sitting in First Class, not coach.

"Bella." I said, shaking his hand.

"What brings you to Las Vegas. Don't you have school or something?"

"Do I look that young?"

"Nah, it was just a guess. But really, what brings you to Las Vegas?"

"My mom and a school project." I murmured.

"You're flying all the way to Las Vegas to tell your mom about a school project. You know they have phones now." He smiled.

"Actually she died here and I have a school project where I have to write about her and her death." I explained.

"Oh...I'm sorry."

"She was a bitch, it's okay."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Sometimes I think she took those stupid buisness trips was just to get away from my family."

"So she was flying on buisness?"

"Yeah."

"Well, give her my regards." He chuckled.

"Thanks. What brings you there?"

"I live in Las Vegas actually. My fiance and I have been apart for three months now and I'm going back and marrying her."

"That's nice. What do you do?"

"Law. I'm a Lawyer and business brought me to Seattle."

"Do you miss her?" I asked.

"Of course but I think being away from someone brings you closer." He smiled. "For example, my sister and I hated each other growing up but when I went away to University, the little times I saw her brought us closer."

"That's a good way to look at it."

"So how about you? Anyone special back home."

I blushed and looked down. "Kinda..."

"Is he real or one of those high school crushes."

"Real. His name is Edward."

"Edward? What is he, from the 1600's." He laughed.

"No. But now that I think of it the name is very olden. He's a year older."

"Oh, does Daddy approve?"

I giggled at his vocabulary. "To an extent. Until he walks in on you having sex."

"Gotta watch out for that." He told me.

"I know, I know. It's just, he's a cop. I didn't expect him to actually walk in and check on me before he left because he never does. Edward's slept over before so he would have said something. I don't regret what I did. I just regret where and when I did it. I love Edward, I just wish I had shown him on a bed that wasn't made for an eight year old."

"So you do regret it?"

"No...I-I-"

"Well, if you could go back in time and change what happened, would you."

"I wanted to do it, just, maybe I wasn't emotionally ready...I don't know. Why am I even telling you this? You're a stranger."

"But I'm a very personable stranger." He grinned. "I think you need to tell your boyfriend how you feel."

"What will that change? I'll still be considered a slut to my dad."

"But it will change the way you feel about yourself. Trust me."

"Thanks, Riley. You should probably be a physiatrist."

"No, I'm a lawyer because I'm good at persuading people."

It then dawned on me, that he does make a great lawyer.


	31. Chapter 31

**_I refuse to give up on this story. You see, the thing with fanfiction is people will give up on stories and yes, I have given up on stories but this story means something to me. Today I went to her unvailing and I'm going to end this story right. There will be probably 4 or five chapters left and then I'm done with Be No More. Thank you for those who reviewed._**

Chapter 31

"Congratulations." I smiled as I said goodbye to Riley.

"Good luck. Remember, if you ever need a lawyer, you have my card." He waved, as he walked away towards his wife that would be waiting for him.

Thankfully I didn't have any luggage to pick up, and it was now twelve thirty since there wasn't a time change. I figured I'd go back to my motel and then search for the memorial tomorrow. I would say "there isn't anything to do at this time of the night" but this is Las Vegas, let's get real.

I grabbed a taxi and gave him the directions to the motel called, Comfort Inn & Suites...how classy. There was only one in all of Las Vegas, which was why I picked it knowing I wouldn't walk into some random motel just to go to another random one.

I handed him the money and thanked him, walking into the motel.

"Hi, welcome to Comfort Inn and Suites how may I help you?"

"Hi, I have a reservation under Bella Swan for a one bedroom suite. I'm paying per night since I'm not really sure how long I'll be here."

"Ahh, yes. Here we are. Here is your key card, you're room number 378. Breakfast is from seven until ten."

"Thanks." I mumbled as I walked towards the elevators.

When I found my room, I crashed instantly knowing there was going to be a long day ahead.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I skipped out on breakfast, really needing the sleep, then got up and showered.

When I got out of the shower I checked my phone, then realized it was still turned off so I turned in back on. Twenty text messages filled my inbox, eighteen of them being from Edward saying "why'd you ignore my call" and "where are you". The other two were from Alice and Rosalie saying the same things.

My father probably tried to call and he would've texted me but he doesn't know how.

I tossed the phone on the creaky bed and got dressed to go downstairs. I had my my over the shoulder bag containing money, ID, a fake ID (if I got bored) and my phone.

I went up to the reception area and the lady turned towards me and greeted me. "Hi, good morning, what can I do for you?"

"Can you give me directions to Sunset Park?"

"Ahhh, of course. I'd only a ten minute walk from here actually." I know...that's another reason why I booked this hotel. "Here you go." She smiled, handing me a map with the directions traced.

"Thank you."

I walked out the automatic doors and into Las Vegas's cool autumn breeze.

Las Vegas was so dead during the day, tourists just walking around site seeing and couples made out on the benches. It made me think of Edward and how he's probably going insane right now. Maybe I'd call him later...

When I arrived at the park, I asked around people if they knew where the Flight Memorial was but everyone one shrugged their shoulders or said they had never heard of it. I even walked around the whole park and there was nothing. Not one stone or ingravement. It didn't make sense. Maybe I had the wrong park or something.

No. I was positive it was this park. I remember reading it clearly.

A person then walked past me, collecting garbage from the park and he looked like a local, I mean, why else would he be doing that?

"Excuse me," I greeted.

"Oh, hello." He smiled, looking up at me.

"Umm, do you know where the Flight Memorial is?"

"What Flight Memorial?"

"There was a flight that crashed here a couple months ago and they made a memorial...have you heard anything about it?"

"Sorry, but I've never heard of it and I've been here everyday for three years. A plane never crashed here and no memorial has ever been built. I'm sorry."

"Are you sure?" I confirmed.

"Positive. Maybe you should go over to the local news place and ask the woman working there. She might know something. It's over there." He said, pointing to a stand that was close by. "Just ask her. Maybe you've got the wrong place."

"Thanks." I nodded towards him and made my way over to the newsstand.

"Hi, question?"

"Yes?" The girl asked.

"You sell newspapers. Was there ever anything about a Flight Memorial or a plane crash in the papers."

"No, nothing that interesting has ever happened here during the day."

"Are you sure? Because I swear there was." I murmured.

"I'm sorry, Miss but there wasn't. Maybe you have the wrong place."

"I don't have the wrong place!" I yelled at her. "There was a plane crash here from Seattle with my mom on it and Las Vegas created a Flight Memorial in Sunset Park dedicating it to all the people on the fucking flight! I'm positive. She is dead!"

"Miss, please don't yell and swear at me and I think you need to cool off. Would you like to buy one of our refreshments?"

"I don't want one of those refreshments! I want to know what happened to the memorial."

"I don't know!" She yelled back at me. "Now please leave, there is a customer waiting behind you."

I huffed as I turned around, not believing my eyes connecting with green ones.

"Las Vegas?" He asked.

"How'd you know I was here?"

"You know, considering your dad is a cop, it wasn't that hard to sneak through your window at night, log onto your computer which I didn't actually have to log on to because all I had to do was shake the mouse and up popped, Las Vegas, Comfort Inn & Suites, Sunset Park and everything else that lead me to you.

"Edward, you broke in to my house?"

"You left the state! What was I supposed to do? Sit back and wait for you to come home? What if something happened to you?"

"You're in grade twelve, you can't afford to miss school." I sighed.

"I'm only missing today because we're leaving on a flight back to Seattle tonight." He told me, taking my arm and making me walk back to the motel with him.

"Did you hear what that woman at the stand said? Edward, no memorial was ever created for my mom."

"What are you talking about?" He questioned.

"I logged on to my dad's account on my computer and did some research through his things, and found some stuff about Renee's plane crash saying it crashed in Las Vegas and they created a Flight Memorial for the plane with all the people that died on it in this very park. But everyone keeps telling me there isn't any memorial, there was no place crash, and that no one has ever even heard of what I'm talking about! So either, the information on my dad's computer was wrong or they're wrong." I stated.

"But they can't be wrong. The evidence is right in front of you." He told me as we continued to walk.

"Well I'm not giving up. Let's stay here for a couple nights, you know? Use fake ID's and gamble and be immature for once. Let's let loose and forget about grades, or absurd parents and just live. I didn't just come here for that English project. I came here to tell my mom, or what's left of her that I don't need her in my life and I'm in love. I came to rub it in her face and right now, I wanna just have a fucking good time, drink and pass out. Life is too short, look at Renee. Are we really gunna spend it puking our brains out with information that isn't gunna help us in the end?"

He smiled crookedly at me and nodded his head. "We have one night."

"Thank you." I beamed and leaned in to kiss him warmly. Our lips rubbed against each others as our arms embraced one another. I felt at home.

**_I know this one was a bit shorter, but the next one a lot of shit is gunna go down._**

**_xoxoxo_**

**_loving you_**

**_NikCul_**


	32. Chapter 32

**_I know...I'm on a role..._**

**_and for any of you people who think they are going to get smashed then married are rude...I refuse to do that_**

Chapter 32

"Dan Dasecksmazder. Really Edward? You're fake ID is 'Dan The Sex Master?' Is that a joke?"

"You'd be surprised with how many times I've gotten away with it. No one even notices." He chuckled.

"I refuse to call you Mr. Dasecksmazder all through the night."

"Well you're just gunna have to Ms. Cockatoo."

"That was Alice and Rosalie's idea. I took no part in my fake ID." I hissed lightly.

"Alright, alright. So which of these stores has the best Las Vegas clothes?"

So Edward agreed to have one night with me is Las Vegas, but neither of us really planned for it so now we were checking out all the big name stores here and getting a suit for Mr. Dasecksmazder and a dress for me, Penelope Cockatoo.

Don't ask.

"How about over there?" I smiled, leading towards a dress shop that looked somewhat affordable.

"Sure. And by the way, whatever we buy tonight, is on me."

"Is that another way of telling me that any money we win is yours?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

He shook his head and laughed lightly. "I meant, any drinks, any food, any dress...is on me."

"Edward, I can't let you do that."

"Of course you can. I love you and I want to do this for you."

Him saying that made me remember what Riley told me, just come clean and tell him I regret having sex when we did. But it wasn't that easy. What if he completely rejected me and leaves on the next flight back to Forks or what if he tried to rape me or some wacky outcome that I don't see coming. But then I remembered, Edward wasn't that kind of person. He might be upset but he won't pressure me or rape me or leave me in the middle of no where to fend for myself. I should just tell him.

But not now. It wasn't the right time. Just not yet.

But, is there ever a right time?

But soon.

We walked into the store and just by viewing the clothes I felt like a pathetic shoplifter. These prices were insane. Even the smell was more expensive then Chanel perfume or expensive leather.

"Are you sure about this store? It's...not really...in my budget range Edward."

"Ahhh, but there is where you're wrong. It's in mine."

"Yes Edward, you have a gold doorknob. Don't go wasting your money on some dress for one night when you can go buy another one and I promise not to put my fingerprints on it." I joked.

"This isn't about my money Bella, I wanna buy you a dress. Please?" He begged.

"Edward..."

"Please? It would mean so much to me."

"Fine. But no more then one hundred dollars."

"Great. You can't even afford the headband in the corner of the shop."

"What is your price range?" I questioned.

"Whichever dress you want. Whichever one looks the best."

"Ugh, fine! You're so fucking stubborn."

"Hey, language. We're in a high-end store." He laughed, walking over to a sale's lady. "Hello, my girlfriend over here needs a dress."

"Is there a specific price range?" She asked.

"Anything. Pick out what you think is best for her please."

"No problem. I already have so many ideas in my head." And then she turned to me. "Is there anything in particular you're looking for?"

"Umm, not really. Something that is appropriate for Vegas, I guess. I don't wanna look too cheap." I smiled nervously.

"Of course. Come with me." She beamed, grabbing my hand and leaving Edward to look around for himself.

She took me around the whole store, grabbing silk dresses, blue dresses, pink dresses, ball gowns, short dresses (which I refuse to try on), strapless and so much more. You name it, she was holding it in her petite hands.

"Okay, so let's start with the floor length dresses. Here you go." She grinned, handing me a long, black dress to put on. I walked into the big change room and sighed, just wanting to get it over with.

The dress had one thick strap on the left, and went across my chest then got tighter at my torso then flowed all the way down. Not my style.

The next was some sort of Bollywood dress. It was very Indian like so I just gave it back to her, saying no. I wasn't even going to bother wasting my time.

We continued to try on dresses. Some were slutty hot pink ones, while others looked like I was going to church and eventually one did catch my eye. I was a royal blue strapless, sweetheart neckline that ruffled lightly into my torso. A swarovski belt surrounded it and it ended just above my knees, long enough so my ass didn't hang out. The dress was about 9000 dollars. Some girls don't even spend that on their wedding dresses. My car wasn't even that much. I felt like the world most spoiled princess and I hated that feeling.

I came out and Edward and the Sale's Lady both "awed" together. I wanted to puke out of embarrassment and attention.

"I think this is the one." Edward said and the lady nodded in agreement. "What do you think?"

"Umm...yeah, I like it. It's good." I mumbled under my breathe.

"Great! Now shoes! I have these four inch heal shoes made out of the swarovski crystal, you'll love it! What is you're shoe size?"

"Umm...I can't really walk in heels."

"Nonsense. Don't worry."

"Okay...I'm a seven."

"Great!" She ran and got me a pair and I glared at Edward until she came back. "Here we are."

I sat down in the dress and tried them on and almost died when I stood up, not even being able to keep my balance, just stood there and wobbled.

But eventually I got the hand of it, and after the dress, the shoes, the accessories, he still wasn't done. We had to get my hair done, my nails, my makeup, get his wardrobe and all day I wanted to kill myself. But soon enough, we were ready for Las Vegas. My hair was curled into a messy bun at the back of my hair and my outfit was all put together while Edward just wore a tux and Italian shoes. Lucky jackass. He gets to wear flat shoes while I have to face a near death experience.

We flashed our fake ID's to the guard and he let us in to this top-notch club in Vegas that was a Black Tie event that included a bar, gabbling and a dance floor. The poker area's floor was a rich, royal green colour, matching the colours of the table tops various people were gambling on while the everyone else was either dancing on the multi-coloured light up dance floor in front of all the hookers pole dancing on the stage in front of them, or at the long bar taking up the rest of the area where a bunch of people were getting smashed or flirting with the bartenders. Young girls, who looked about my age were grinding against men that could be my father and some ladies were there for a bachelorette party, dancing up against the male strippers. To sum it all up, it was crazy. So many things were happening at once and it was difficult to decide if I wanted to become in debt or get smashed and end up on the side of the street with my face planted against the cement. Or get mono.

Edward took my hand and pulled me towards the bar, clearly going with the cement scenario. "Scotch on the rocks please, and for you?" He smiled looking at me.

I looked at Edward and shrugged. The only drinks I new of were a Sex on the Beach and an Apple Martini, none of which are that strong. "Something strong." I mumbled. I was in the mood to get wasted even though it's completely out of character from me. When would be a good time to tell Edward I've never actually been drunk before and the Swan family is known for being lightweight?

Edward glanced at the menu at the top of the bar and smiled at one of the drinks. "She'll have a Dirty Vodka Martini please?"

"Sure. Can I see some ID?" The guy asked.

Edward showed him our fake ID's, hopefully that'd be the last time we'd have to take them out for the night, and the guy made our drinks for us.

Edward handed me mine and I took a sip of it, tasting the flavoured vodka massage my tongue. "Thanks." I smiled at him while he took a sip of his own.

"It's no problem. Do you like it?"

"Yeah, it's good but you should know, I'm kind of a lightweight."

He chuckled. "Why am I not surprised?"

"And I've never actually been drunk before..."

His face seem didn't seem bewildered at that either. "I didn't think you had, which is why I started out at the bar and make our way up."

We both finished our drinks and got a couple shots. I was feeling woozy but the third one and Edward seemed fine and he was at his seventh. Finally on his ninth, I could see him getting a bit tipsy, wobbling as he waved his hand at the bartender for two more rounds.

The routine continued. I was at my ninth by the same Edward was at his eleventh and we were crazy drunk, on the verge of alcohol poisoning even, when Edward grabbed my hand and lead me to the over-invested light up dance floor.

We were laughing and having a great time like I wanted, not caring about any shit that happens in the world, or stupid Flight Memorials or mom's that run away for no reason. We were just being teenagers for once. Angela would be proud of me right now. Not for the fact that what I was doing was completely illegal, but the fact that I finally wasn't stressing about school, and English class and my fucking future all the time and just living in the moment with the boy I'm in love with. There isn't any bounderies and I can finally just let loose. They say things happen for a reason. What if Angela died because it was supposed to be a realization that I need to just overcome my anxietly and bring me to Edward and what if my mom's plane crashed here to bring me here to show me that there is more to life then grades and being successful. You only get to live once!

We continued laughing and dancing, breathing heavily and just letting go when the song turned to a slow song and Edward and I decided to take a break.

"I'm going to the washroom." I told him, wobbling in my high heels.

"Okay, I'll be here." He smiled crookedly at me.

I walked towards the nearest washroom and opened the door to see white, shiny, marble floors and marble counter tops. The door's for the stalls were covered in marble as well and my hands felt cold when I touched them, walking in to a massive bathroom that looks like it costs more than my property.

As I walked towards the toilet, my heels clinked against the floor and in the background I heard the bathroom door swing open, I listened to two muffled sounds that sounded like heavy breathing, giggles, moans, groans or should I say orgasm sounds and sex noises and I tried to keep as quiet as possible and give them their privacy.

One was a male and one was a female and the female's giggles sounded so familiar to me while the male's voice was one I couldn't recognize, a deep, masculine voice.

I did what I needed to do in the washroom and walked back over to the door, trying to peek through the crevices in the stall.

I knew it was bad to spy on two drunk people clearly getting way too carried away but I couldn't help it. That laugh sounded so familiar and I needed to know where it was from. Was she from a movie I'd watched and she was famous or was she a family friend in Vegas the same time I was?

As I peeked through I got a good view of what was happening on the counter top right in front of my very own big brown eyes and couldn't believe the couple I saw making out.

I just had to gasp a little too loudly and that was when her eyes traveled over to my stall.

**_cliffy!_**

**_when you review, guess who you think is making out on the counter top in Vegas Baby and if you don't I will come find you, and hunt you down._**

**_Also, I get a lot of emails saying "so and so" added your story to his or her favourites and now I'm only getting three reviews a chapter when I know a bunch of people are reading my story and I am SOO thankful for that but it sucks when you want more people to reach your story and the first place their eyes linger is the reviews._**

**_so please, I'm asking you can you just review? It's just the click of a button and you might have to log in and for those of you who don't have a fanfic account, I understand but a bunch of you do and I really wanna get more reviews._**

**_please!_**

**_loving you_**

**_xoxoxo_**

**_NikCul_**


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